Millennials get blamed for just about everything—from the rise of selfie culture to the demise of department stores, it's all our fault. And while I'd beg to differ about a lot of it (or at least try to explain why these things deserve to be gone forever), I know the label will stick no matter what we do.
So, it's time to accept the stereotype, and harness these powers for good. If millennials ruin everything, then let's ruin things that deserve to be removed from existence.
1. Rainbow everything
If my meal isn't naturally colorful, adding buckets of food dye does not make it more appetizing. Let's stop tricking ourselves into thinking this trend is a good thing—rainbow cheese should never exist.
2. Matcha everywhere
Although it has its benefits, your muffin really wasn't meant to have an astringent or vegetal taste. Matcha won't solve all your problems, and sprinkling it onto your frozen yogurt won't suddenly make you more zen.
3. Pumpkin spice
I appreciate the flavor of pumpkin, I really do. What I don't appreciate is pumpkin spice being added to every single food item imaginable just because September rolled around and some leaves started falling. And really, can any millennial tell me what the spice of pumpkin even is? It's not real.
4. Sushi burritos
First of all, these are impossible to eat. They're always huge and stuffed to the brim, which is great in theory, but then you take a bite and come away with rice spilling all over the place, and a giant piece of raw fish hanging out of your mouth. Let's stick to regular sushi rolls.
5. Monster desserts
I'm all about digging into something sweet. When I was little, I used to think I had a second stomach made specifically for dessert. But this is reality, and moderation is key. These extravagant desserts just end up being messy, overwhelming, and wasteful.
6. Deconstructed coffee
Call me crazy, but when I buy a cup of coffee, I'd love to just buy a cup of coffee, ready to drink. Maybe I'll add some almond milk if I'm feeling creative. What I really don't need is a tray piled with an assortment of ingredients I don't understand, tasking me with doing the barista's job for them.
7. Non-plates for serving
Seriously, just give me a plate. Or a bowl. I don't need a piece of firewood on my table, and I certainly don't become more impressed when you serve my meal on the same obscure surface you prepared it on—at that point, just let me into the kitchen.
8. Salads in mason jars
How on Earth is this practical? All the fun toppings are on the bottom, so let's just gnaw our way through some dry, undressed leaves and then stomach a highly concentrated bite of tomato and vinaigrette at the very end. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. Ugh.
9. LaCroix
Let's just call it what it is—it's overpriced flavored water. With bubbles. It's the millennial of seltzers. When I think LaCroix, I imagine a young guy wearing Birkenstocks, sipping from the balcony of his newly renovated apartment in the "up-and-coming" (read: gentrifying) neighborhood that his realtor app suggested.
10. Detox/skinny tea
This stuff is just a lie, and that won't change no matter how many sponsored Instagram posts pop up on your feed. These teas count as dietary supplements, which mean they aren't regulated by the FDA, and they can basically say whatever they want. These teas don't help you become fit, instead, they mess with your digestion and only get rid of water weight.
11. Mug meals
This is a cute idea, but let's be realistic. You're not buying a single serving's worth of ingredients, and all the effort you're putting into making the perfect mug-lasagna could've just been spent cooking a full meal to share, or to save for later.
12. Superfoods
The idea that one ingredient is the key to solving all your food- or health-related problems just boggles my mind. The whole idea of a superfood doesn't make any sense. All foods have positive aspects, that's why we eat them in the first place. The key is, and always will be, moderation.
13. Bottled water
Yeah, let's take something that you need to live, and ruin it. Corporations have convinced good portions of the public that the tap water that you get for free isn't as good as their polluting, pricey, basically-the-same-as-tap product. Get a cute S'well bottle, or make your own. I promise, tap water is just as good for you.
This isn't to say I'm against all food trends. I love myself some avocado toast, and the fact that farm-to-table eating is making a comeback makes my heart happy. But with social media making food just as much about the aesthetic as it is the taste, some food trends have gone too far.