Being a vegetarian for four years taught me a lot about myself, food, and how to make tofu actually taste like something. Now that I’ve “joined civil society again,” as my friends say, I’ve been able to reflect on a time of my life where I didn’t eat meat and “went insane.”

So here’s the best and worst of it all, with the help of my good friend, Ron Swanson.

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The Best Parts of Being Vegetarian:

Food is less expensive.

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Grains and beans have a longer shelf life and won’t break the bank like most meats.

A love affair with falafel.

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I discovered these fried balls of goodness early on and life has never been the same.

A strong appreciation for vegetables.

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I mastered the art of substituting delicious veggies in meat dishes and creating colorful combinations.

The Worst Parts of Being a Vegetarian:

Never having an answer to the statement, “I could never be a vegetarian.”

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I usually responded with silence or an awkward laugh.

Explaining to waiters that you aren’t ordering steak at a steakhouse.

Me: I’ll have the grilled asparagus and mashed potatoes please.

Waiter: Are you sure?

Me:

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Enough tofu to last three lifetimes.

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Never again.

The Best Part of NOT Being a Vegetarian:

All of the food.

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Not to mention you can eat anywhere without your friends and family having to make arrangements around you.

The Worst Part of NOT Being a Vegetarian:

Nothing. Food is much better now.

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Life is too good to go back.

Moral of the Story:

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