It’s Tuesday night again. You’re sitting at your desk writing that paper and your stomach rumbles; you sit up, glance over at your roommate, and your minds wander to the same magical, Mexican establishment that kind of reminds you of Ikea.

So, Chipotle it is. Before you can dream of extra sour cream and two scoops of cheese, you remember all those self-induced, burrito bowl-related food comas.

Well folks, here you have it: Your caloric guide down the Chipotle line so you can actually enjoy it without the massive food babies, comas, or self-loathing.

Round One: The Base


Photo by Xinwei Zeng

So you’re finally at the front of the line and it’s time to decide what you want. If you get a burrito, the tortilla will be 300 calories, and then you add the rice on top of that. A scoop of Cilantro Lime Rice adds up to 185 calories and the brown, up to 200. Yes, you did read that correctly… The brown rice is in fact heavier than the white and I, for one, have been doing life wrong.

If you go for the bowl, you only worry about the rice (everyone knows they put more in bowls, so take that into account).

Then you have your salad. This might come as a shock, but the 5 calorie Romaine lettuce does in face win this round.

Round Two: The Bean


Photo by Heather Harris

You know the works — these two are always staples at any Mexican build-your-own-burrito establishment. You answer is probably automatic by now, but just so you know, the pinto beans total 115 calories and the black come to 120. Not the biggest difference, but everything adds up, right?

Round Three: The Filling


Photo by Xinwei Zeng

The filling can make or break the meal, both taste-wise and health-wise. We got our steak for 190 calories, the Carnitas and pulled pork for 220, the chicken for 180, Barbacoa for 165, and the Sofrita for 145 calories.

So the Sofrita it is, and I know what you’re thinking… Marinated tofu didn’t sound like my cup of tea either, but PSA, I’ve tried it and it rocks. And it’s also totally filling, so do yourself a flavor and give it a try.

Round Four: The Salsa


Photo by Santina Renzi

So you’re handed down to the second server and it’s time to top off your meal. You have your mild salsa for 20 calories, the medium green tomatillo also for 20, the hot for 25, and the corn salsa for 80. So maybe don’t get two scoops of the corn next time.

Round Five: The Extras


Photo by Molly Krohe

Here are all those end-of-the-line afterthoughts. You got the grilled veggies that’ll cost you 20 calories, a scoop of sour cream for 115 calories, load up some guac for 230, and you can throw on some cheese for 100. So now your masterpiece is complete, but maybe you even toss in a side of chips for 570 calories or some vinaigrette for 270.

The Results

Hold on to your hats, kids. For those who are health conscious out there, the lightest item you can order would be a Sofrita salad with pinto beans, grilled veggies, and a mild or medium salsa for a total of 305 calories.

Compare that to the heaviest option, which is a pulled pork burrito with brown rice, black beans, corn salsa, sour cream, guac, cheese, chips, and vinaigrette, totaling 2,005 calories… RT to save a life.

If you don’t feel like doing math every time you want a burrito, don’t sweat it. They have a nutrition calculator on their website.