Starting next year, Forbes students will have to venture away from their island paradise one night a week if they want to get dinner on a regular meal plan. In an effort to improve the falling EQ’s of Forbes residents, the Forbes dining hall staff has announced that once a week they will be hosting a ‘Campus Appreciation Night’ featuring everything from meals prepared by local restaurants to live performances by student groups, all of which will exclude Forbes students. According to Forbes College expert Paul von Autenried ’16, this is in an effort to force the generally hermitic Forbes population to expand their social circles while at the same time encouraging students from other colleges to leave their overcrowded dining halls and eat in a Forbes cafeteria devoid of its pesky native inhabitants. However, while Forbes students will be bused to their cafeteria of choice, non-Forbes students will have to get to the other side of Alexander Road on foot in order to undergo the quintessential Forbes experience.

This is a joke post for April Fools Day. Don’t worry, you don’t really have to go to Forbes.