Remember when you were really little and saw the food pyramid for the first time (before the government changed it to that weird slanty one).

This one:

Photo from USDA

And your health teacher was talking about proteins and you saw the nuts with the meats and were like “Wut”. Maybe I was a more confused second grader than most. Regardless, there was confusion about the placement of nuts. As I’ve grown older I’ve come to realize there is only one place for nuts and nut butters, and that is in my belly. Peanut butter, man. It’ll be the death (and also the everlasting joy) of me.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about nuts. They’re fabulous. Here’s all you need to know about nuts, ever. If you’re allergic to nuts…. I’m just really sorry about that. Really really sorry.

Photo by: The

That’s an amazing source of information right there. What are some conclusions?

Nut Commandments:
Thou shall eat many nuts because they are awesome.
Thou shall eat them in their unsalted form. This applies to candied forms as well. Put the damn sugar away.
Thou shall eat peanut butter because it’s the most bang for your buck.
If thou be-est allergic to peanuts, thou shall eat almond butter rather than cashew butter.
If thou is worried about cholesterol, thou shall consume macadamia nuts, pistachios, and pecans.
When thou is in need of snack-age, turn to nuts.

Photo by John