French fries may just be the greatest thing ever created. No matter where they are from, they are always delicious. The inevitably scrumptious french fry can only be improved by one thing: being drunk.
Somehow, when french fries are eaten drunk, they become a source of pure happiness, and as a result, drowsiness. Due to this clear relationship between drunkness and fries, we thought we’d share this completely 100 percent scientifically accurate data which determines your drunk personality based on your favorite fast food fry.
McDonald’s: Happy Drunk
Ba da ba ba ba, I’m loving it. Obviously, if you love to dig in to that Happy Meal — that glorious bag filled with sticks of crispy, salty delight — you are a Happy Drunk. You are that person at the bar who has a smile plastered on their face. Life is just great, isn’t it? Aren’t you just soooo happy to be here? You tell your friends everything you love about them and you are just super satisfied with how the night is going. How could this night get any better!? Oh yeah… a 3 am McDonald’s run.
Chick-fil-A: “I Just Wanna Kiss Someone” Drunk
Chick-fil-A fries are simply incredible. Think about those streaks of potatoey goodness, overlapping and connecting in order to create a waffle-shaped dream. Is this turning you on a little bit? That’s because you are that drunk kid that just wants to make out with someone. Are you thinking about kissing someone before you start drinking? Most likely, not. But for some reason, after that third shot, you cannot help but say to yourself, “Man, I’d really like to kiss someone, tonight.” Hey, maybe that kiss will lead you to a Chick-fil-A-date, or a Chick-fil-A-hangover/let’s-discuss-last-night-meal.
Burger King: Diva Drunk
If Burger King fries are your favorite, drunk you probably thinks you rule the world. You lead the pack, you choose the bar, and you buy the shots. Although you are the first person to stand up to that creepy guy who keeps hitting on your friend, drama tends to follow drunk you… or maybe you bring the drama. Same difference! You may get upset about unreasonable things (like when Stacey forgot to accept your split request—GODDAMMIT STACY!!!), but all is forgiven when sober you wakes up and realizes what a diva they were.
Arby’s: “Let’s Go Dancing!!!” Drunk
Let’s get twisted, amiright? If the Arby’s curly fries are your jam, you are the type of drunk that just can’t stop moving their feet. You want to find the party/bar where the music is bumping and where the dance floor is calling your name. Get out there, do the twist, and make sure you sing along at the top of your lungs.
Wendy’s: Chill Drunk
The Wendy’s natural cut, skin-on fries are the perfect party snack for that kick-back you are throwing Wednesday night. Drunk you loves to savor a couple craft beers, talk about philosophy and alternative bands, and maybe smoke some weed. Hey, did anyone bring Cards Against Humanity?
Shake Shack: Friendly Drunk
If you can’t get enough of those Shake Shack, crinkly cut fries, you are most definitely a Friendly Drunk. The full-bodied, flavorful fry boasts a big personality that just wants to experience the world and be photographed over and over again with person after person. Drunk you looooves meeting new people. Especially while you are waiting in line to pee. Typically you make five friends a night while waiting in line for the bathroom. Once you get inside the bathroom, you take a mirror pic because these will be your new best friends forever and you must commemorate this moment.
Well there you have it: Your completely accurate drunk personality. Now go finish your beer and order a Lyft. You need those fries right now.