As a somewhat functional fake adult that gets nervous when doing laundry and boiling water, I will be more than happy to admit that I approve of the existence of booze in my life. It's just there for me when I'm having a crappy day and comforts me until I remember that drinking and bottling up my personal issues isn't a healthy way to function on planet Earth. It might seem like there's a new boozy product release on a daily basis, and you're probably right; however, I'm here to share some new boozy news with you, since sharing is caring and because I'm not mean enough to hog this information all for myself, despite what my mom says. 

Let's get started.

+ Toro Loco has a Mezcal Party Brunch, so now your brunch game will go from way too basic to somewhat not so basic

+ Cirque du Soleil now has their own bottle of rosé, and I honestly thought this day would never come to happen

+ The makers behind Summer Water just released three new bottles of wine, and one of them smells like watermelon

+ Frosé is becoming old fake news, thanks to drinks such as the Fregroni and Purple Haze

+ Tipsy Scoop has their own boozy brunch, and you best believe that boozy sundaes are involved 

+ Chipotle's now having their own happy hour, and I'm not sure if I ever saw this coming

+ 10 Barrel just released two new flavors of their signature kettle-aged sour ale, so this might be the end of standard IPAs

+ Castell has a new line of must-try cocktails; here's what you need to know prior to consumption 

+ Brooklyn Kura has their own sake taproom in Brooklyn, so now part of my dreams have come true

+ The Lost Lady in New York has a new line of cocktails, and one of them has seven different rums in it

+ Watermelon vodka hot sauce cocktails now exist, and the future has now arrived

The Low Down on Toro Loco's Mezcal Party Brunch

Given that we're all somewhat existing on this planet known as Earth, most of us have probably heard of brunch. Also given that we're all somewhat existing, most of us have also probably heard of Mexican food. Allow for the two to have a child, and what do we get? A Mexican brunch. 

In short, Toro Loco is a Mexican restaurant located downtown on Stone Street in New York's Financial District (aka FiDi) that draws inspiration from Mexico City's taquieras. Just like most places in New York, Toro Loco has their own bottomless brunch; in short, it's two hours for $40 per person. Also just like most places in New York, their brunch comprises of food and cocktails. Not like most places in New York, one of Toro Loco's cocktails comes in a rainbow-colored donkey piñata that's filled with cocktails in plastic bottles and candies. The more boozy brunches that you know of, the better. You're v welcome. 

Cirque du Soleil Now Has Rosé to Pair With Their Shows

When I initially thought of Cirque, I'd imagine it to be twirly and colorful. Never have I ever thought that they'd come out with their own rosé, let alone a bottle of wine. It's light, $20 (technically it's $19.99, but who gives a damn about a god damn penny), has an alcohol content of 13% ABV, and is pink... duh Liz duh. It's great for pairing with pasta or salad, but is also great for drinking alone; especially on Mondays, since Mondays are complex creatures that we call days. Although it does come with a cork (which is something that's way too sophisticated for someone of my caliber), there are several ways to open the actual bottle, since that's what's important in life. It's up to you if you'd like to use it in frosé, but I'd pass since I'd rather drink the entire bottle for what it actually is.

Winc's Summer Wine Offerings

For those of us that enjoy rosé, most of us have heard of a bottle known as Summer Water. Essentially, their parent company is known as Winc, which in short is a wine delivery service that sends you, the consumer four bottles of wine a month. Bottles start at $13 and shipping is free. 

The same people that have produced the beloved Summer Water have also produced a Riesling known as Debts & Lessons and a rosé known as Cocomero. Of the two wines,  Debts & Lessons is much easier to drink and can basically replace water, but the label of Cocomero smells like watermelon, thanks to its scratch and sniff label.

If you're wondering, Debts & Lessons is a medium bodied Riesling with an alcohol content of 11.2% ABV. It's a little on the sweeter side, which in this case works in the bottle's favor. The bottle comes with a cap, which is more on my level not only because it makes the bottle easier to open, but because it means that the wine and I can spend more time together in less time. On the other hand, Cocomero is a bottle of rosé with an alcohol content of 12.5% ABV and is a little on the drier side of things. It's not as smooth as I would like it to be, but it's a few steps up from Barefoot and Two Buck Chuck

Winc also has a third bottle of wine (among many more) called Chop Shop. Essentially, it's a Cabernet Sauvignon with an alcohol content of 14.3% ABV, which makes it a full-bodied wine. It's meant to be paired with heavier meats such as steak due to the wine's bold flavor. 

Frosé is Now Old Fake News; Here Are The Replacements

The year's now 2018, and we're all becoming annoyed at the 2016 invention known as frosé. Because of places such as Bocce and Roberta's, frosé's doomsday is currently a few blocks away. The deal with Bocce is that they now have a 'Fregroni,' which stands for 'Frozen Negroni.' Such drink includes the oh so lovely Campari, grapefruit, gin, and vermouth. Lots of booze is involved, appears to be an orange colored drink, and is stronger than I'll ever be. It comes in a cute glass, and one can get away with minor chugging of this boozy beverage. However, don't be like me and go forth with ordering a pizza with this drink; if you're wondering, I ordered a salad. One. Whole. Salad.

Here's the deal with Roberta's; they currently have a collaboration going on with Kombrewcha. The drink that serves as the child of this collaboration is known as 'Purple Haze' and comprises of Kombrewcha's Berry Hibiscus flavored Kombrewcha, tequila, pineapple, a splash of fresh orange juice and lime. This beverage, in particular, is more on the pinkish side of things, but I'll allow it to slide as a fake purple just because I'm a nice person and because the actual drink is boozy. The drink itself has a thick texture to it, so don't chug it unless you're walking into this asking for a brain freeze and potentially becoming hungover. You've been warned. 

Tipsy Scoop Now Has a Boozy Brunch, So Now There's Ice Cream for Everyone

For starters, Tipsy Scoop is a boozy ice cream company that's based out in New York with their flagship open on 26th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. They also sell their boozy pints in some supermarkets throughout the nation and online via Goldbely.

One of the few things that Tipsy Scoop is known for is their collabs with different companies including Summer Water, Patrón, and Smirnoff. This summer, Tipsy Scoop's latest collaboration is with a place named Ragtrader & Bo Peep Cocktail Shop on 36th Street and 6th Avenue. The collab entails a whole line of mimosas (cue more than one), an open ice cream sundae bar aka the star of the show and my life which includes four flavors of boozy ice cream, cocktails for consumption, and punch bowls. The whole point is for you to consume brunch, drink, and then to treat yo'self to Tipsy Scoop's boozy ice cream sundaes in the hopes that you'll eff your diet; and if that's not something that you're currently doing, then get to it buddy. 

Chipotle Now Wants In On Happy Hour

Chipotle is the place where you go to for either a quick bite or to watch your friends eat just in case you're that person that's still not over the e-Coli crisis. However, they're hopping on the happy hour bandwagon; here's what you need to know. On Thursdays after 3 pm throughout the month of August, select Chipotle locations in New York will be serving up half-priced drinks such as their margaritas, beers, and new canned wine or cocktail with purchase of a full-priced entrée or side; I'm looking at you, nachos. 

10 Barrel Brewing’s Crush Beers Are Perfect for Any Outdoor Summer Occasion

If you're wondering, 10 Barrel is a brewed canned beer company that just released two new flavors of their 'Crushed' beer, which in short is kettle aged sour ale. This is important in the sense that the world now has more booze to drink, which is never a bad thing. The best part is, you can even make cocktails out of the ale; here's how to do such (pls make sure to stir everything together).

First up on the list is the 'Cucumber Mojito.' This entails combining fresh mint with an ounce and a half of rum and sugar in a singular glass. You're then going to want to mix everything together, add ice, and then top it all of with 10 Barrel's Cucumber Crush before consumption.

Next up is the 'Raspberry Margarita.' This drink can come to life by salting your drink's rim with lime juice and salt. Then, you'll add in an ounce of tequila, an ounce of triple sec, four ounces of fresh lime juice, and some ice. The final step is to top everything off with 10 Barrel's Raspberry Crush before consumption.

The third drink on the list is the 'Cucumber Crush Mule.' Start off by adding mint in one (1) cocktail shaker. Then add in an ounce of lime juice, an ounce of simple syrup, two ounces of vodka, two ounces of ginger beer, and three ice cubes together and then proceed to shake everything up. You'll then top the drink off with 10 Barrel's Cucumber Crush and then accompany such with a singular lime wedge and mint

The last drink on the list is the 'Crush Red Sangria.' First, you'll need to add a snifter with ice, and then pour six entire ounces of red wine in with six ounces of 10 Barrel's Raspberry Crush and two to four ounces of some orange juice. Please mix everything and then add one whole splash of Sprite with an orange wedge for sophistication purposes. 

Castell Has A New Must-Try Cocktail Line That's Accompanied With Champagne

Having lived in New York for my entire life, I can truly say that there's nothing like it. It might seem as if there's a new rooftop bar and lounge opening up on every god damn corner of the city, and you're probably right; however, there's no rooftop place that necks up with Castell.

In short, Castell is a rooftop bar that's located in Midtown right outside of the dreaded Times Square. They're best known for their martinis (specifically their 'Dirty Martini' with vodka and olive oil), and they have a steak dish that's to die for. Other drinks that I'd recommend and have tried before recommending would be their 'Vesper' martini with gin and their 'ACGT' which is made with gin and vodka. The views from the roof oversee Times Square and most of the general 34th Street area if that's of interest to anyone.

Another thing to note is that around 5/5:30 pm, the staff at Castell hands out free glasses of champagne just for sitting down, and if that's not what dreams are truly made of, then I'm not sure what to say anymore.

Brooklyn Kura's Sake Might Cause All Other Sakes to Become Extinct

While sake's most likely served at your local sushi joint, there's a 100% chance that you're bat-sh*t clueless as to what it actually is. Sake is a Japanese alcohol brewed from rice and is more like beer than wine, in that the brewing process is closer to beer. This might sound amazing to you as it does to me, and thankfully, a chill sake brand known as Brooklyn Kura is here to save our lives.

In short, Brooklyn Kura is a Brooklyn based sake company that blesses the world with overly smooth sake for us all to drink. Their sake can easily replace water with how light the taste is, but I wouldn't recommend making said swap since sake is technically a boozy beverage and because of the fact that water is important people. Thankfully for us all, Brooklyn Kura has their own taproom located in Sunset Park, Brooklyn and a whole bunch of places to buy their sake by the bottle if that's more your speed. 

The Lost Lady Serves Up New Cocktails in Tiki Cups

While I'm all game for a bomb cocktail, I'm even more game for a bomb cocktail in tiki cups not only because I like tikis, but I enjoy forgetting about that day's events leading up to me consuming the cocktail. Given my needs and wishes for tiki cup cocktails, this is where The Lost Lady comes into play.

The Lost Lady is a new bar that's located in New York's East Village on Avenue C. It's relatively cozy, and the best part includes the fact that in addition to their tiki cups, they have tacos, nachos, and Girl Scout cookies. Recently, they've released two new cocktails. One of them is known as the 'Painkiller' while the other is known as the 'Wu-Tang Fizz.'

To get into much-appreciated details about these boozy cocktails, the 'Painkiller' includes 7 different rums, pineapple, orange, cane sugar, coconut, grated nutmeg, and is garnished with a pineapple leaf. While your actual physical pain might not be killed after consumption of this drink, the pain of thinking about your day will certainly be killed off. On the other hand, sir 'Wu-Tang Fizz' is made with Wray & Nephew Rum, Appleton Rum, Plantation Rum, fresh lime juice and house-made spiced grapefruit soda.

If you care to know, both of these drinks don't taste as strong as they actually are, so you won't have to worry about consistently tasting the booze that's in them; and if that's still a concern of yours, order some nachos and enjoy yourself.

Watermelon Hot Sauce Cocktails Are Now On the Market; Consumer Beware

Watermelon, vodka, and hot sauce all mixed together in two different cocktails seems to be an odd combo, but it's something to try for the record. Having created both sustainable yet winning cocktails, award-winning mixologist Aaron Polsky is ahead of the curve by celebrating National Watermelon Day (August 3rd) before us all. While both cocktails have a lovely composure to them, the texture's also smooth enough to want to drink like water.

Just in case you care to know how to make said cocktails, here's what to do. Before you make anything, you need to make said watermelon vodka. This entails 1.25 pounds of watermelon rinds, 16 fluid ounces of vodka, cutting the leftover watermelon rinds into squares that are two inches in size at most and then arranging them into a singular quart mason jar that'll be filled to the brim. Then fill said mason jar up to the top with vodka, cover it, and then hide it away in your freezer for 24 hours. 

In terms of the actual drinks, first up is Polsky's 'Spicy Seed-to-Rind Gimlet' cocktail, which includes two ounces of said watermelon vodka, an ounce of fresh lime juice, .75 ounces of simple syrup, two dashes of Tabasco sauce, and a singular infused watermelon rind for the garnish. Combine everything with one another in a shaker with ice, shake it all, pour everything into a martini glass, and then add the watermelon rind garnish. 

The next drink that Polsky has to offer the world is the 'Spicy Seedless Martini.' This drink involves two ounces of watermelon vodka, an ounce of dry vermouth, two dashes of Tabasco sauce, and an infused watermelon rind for the garnish. To complete the making of this drink, fill up a pint glass with ice, combine all of the ingredients with one another and then stir it all up until it's chilled. Place everything into a martini glass with a garnish, and you'll finally be united with your martini that you made yourself. 

While it may seem as if there's nothing sweeter than receiving a bunch of new boozy news, the ultimate treasure in life is being able to drink everything that's mentioned in this article (which has most likely been done by a certain someone...). Please don't go off and binge drink; please read and be cautious when drinking. Thank you.