Starbucks is my own personal heaven, and I recognize that that makes me basic af. However, I also know that not all Starbucks beverages are created equal, and some are a bit more intensely ~basic~ than others. Here is the definitive ranking of how basic you are based on your drink order.
12. Shot of Espresso
You are not basic; in fact, you are not even a human. A caffeine IV sadly doesn’t exist, but you would buy it if it did. You take these shots straight, and you actually go to Starbucks for the utility of it. I wish I had your strength.
11. Black Coffee
Your life is probably 1000% more together than mine, and you know it. You’re not basic, but, honestly, you are probably not that much fun to be around. Sorry. Live a little and add some coconut milk to this party.
10. Nitro Cold Brew with Sweet Cream
With your nitro brew, you’re bougie and a lil’ sweet. You are definitely cooler than the average basic biddie, but you don’t rub it in. It’s like Taylor Swift and Lorde, Lorde is obviously way more ~hip~ than ya girl T-Swizzle, but she is still an approachable cool girl.
9. Cappuccino
You studied abroad and realized that cappuccinos are a gift from god. You think that this drink makes you super adult, and you probably tell people that “it tasted better while you were abroad in Italy.” I am this person — basic, but bougie.
8. Chai Tea Latte
You started ordering it because Oprah told you to, and you think it makes you a bit hipster. It’s low-key basic, but I understand because it tastes so freaking good.
7. Black Iced Coffee (with a lot of syrup)
You want everyone to think that you can take your coffee straight, but who are you kidding? The black iced coffee with tons of syrup add-ons is the drink equivalent of that girl with the cool hipster glasses that turn out to be only for the aesthetic. This drink is basic, and the coverup is #fakenews.
6. Skinny Vanilla Latte
This drink is as basic as it sounds, and you probably are too. You order one every day before work dressed head to toe in Ann Taylor Loft. This is literally just a latte with nonfat milk and sugar-free vanilla syrup. You aren’t going to get any dirty looks for ordering it, but you might for the X’s still on your hands from last night.
5. Shaken Passion Tango Iced Tea
Ordered with no liquid cane sugar and light ice, your Shaken Passion Tango Iced Tea makes you everyone’s fave sorority sister. You’re always tan and smiling, and honestly, kind of remind me of summer. You’re incredibly basic, but lovable as you acknowledge it.
4. Iced Caramel Macchiato
You’re so basic, you probably ordered it skinny, with extra sugar-free caramel drizzle on top. This drink will likely be featured on your Insta story with a Hump Day sticker and the #lifesaver. And yes, you have checked seven times to see if your crush has seen it.
3. Caramel Frappuccino
I’m not even going to get into any of the insane new Frappuccino flavors (@ Unicorn), but ordering the Caramel Frappuccino makes you as basic as a middle schooler in Uggs and some So Low leggings or a Juicy tracksuit. I am confident that every tween went through this phase and is ashamed by the photo evidence that somehow still exists. Don’t worry though, you still rock it.
2. Pumpkin Spice Latte
The fall version of an Iced Caramel Macchiato is hands down the Pumpkin Spice Latte, or, as you likely call it, the #PSL. You drink this for the vibes because, no shots, this drink doesn’t taste that good. You’re as basic as an apple-picking photo shoot commemorated with a quote about changing leaves representing your changing feels.
1. Pink Drink
You have fully leaned in to the ~basic~ lifestyle, and honestly you’re killing the game. No one can judge you for taking that Snap selfie of you drinking that fruity treat with a flower crown because you fully own who you are. Keep on being basic, bitch.
No matter what drink you sip on every morning, y’all gotta embrace the vibes you emit. Even (actually, especially) if those vibes are basic.