I didn’t expect TikTok to devastate me so personally this morning. I was just aimlessly scrolling through TikTok, minding other people’s business, when I came across @thecenteredlife’s beverage goblin video. I chuckled at the sorry fool who needed three drinks to function until I gave my desk a one-over. Oh no, I’m that sorry fool. In fact, I’ve been one since my junior year of high school. I can’t get any work done without my overpriced Hydro Flask water bottle, my coffee mug filled with cold brew and oat milk, and the Strawberry Bubly I’m currently sipping on.

In light of this revelation, I’m forming a beverage goblin support group. Because, even though we will never be able to quit the beverage goblin lifestyle, we can survive the shame together. Here’s what a beverage goblin is and how to know if you are one yourself.

How to know if you’re a beverage goblin

I think you already know. But, I’ll still go through the charade of explaining. There are three irrefutable signs of a beverage goblin. In their workspace are not one, not two, but three distinct beverages: a drink for hydration, a drink for energy, and a drink for fun. If you have these three drinks on your desk now or have in the past, you’re a beverage goblin.

@leavemollyalone is just as excited as I was to learn about my beverage goblin status.

How to maximize your health as a beverage goblin

There are tons of ways to swap certain high-sugar and additive-filled drinks for options that support immune and brain health.  For instance, consider swapping your Starbucks Frappuccino for an oat milk cappuccino or latte. That way, you’re still enjoying some great flavors with your caffeine but cutting down on ingredients that may spike your blood sugar. When it comes to hydration, you can add a packet of electrolytes to your water for even greater benefits.

And, where the fun drink is concerned, consider swapping sodas and slushies for sparkling water and smoothies. @mynameisjessamyn provides a gloriously healthy beverage goblin routine in the video below. But also, keep hydrating however you want to hydrate with whatever hydrating drinks you enjoy. There is no shame in being a beverage goblin.