Everyone knows someone who went or goes to a Big Ten school. Going to a Big Ten school is almost as basic as walking into a Starbucks. So, there is obviously some room for comparison.
Just like Starbucks drinks, some Big Ten schools are better than others. In my completely unbiased opinion (go blue!), these are the Starbucks drinks that each Big Ten school would be.
1. University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign: Black Coffee
When people think of the Big Ten, they don't typically think of Illinois. Just like when people think of Starbucks, black coffee is not the first drink that comes to mind. The students really want to be in Chicago and black coffee drinkers really want to add some interesting flavors to their drink. But, hey, there is nothing wrong with being plain.
2. Indiana University: Unicorn Frappuccino
Unicorn Frappuccinos and Indiana University aren't actually good, but they are somehow relevant. Both of their claims to fame are that they are fun. Girls at Indiana University can take pictures at tailgates and then see their football team take an L. Similarly, you can take an artsy picture of this Frappuccino, but it won't make it any better.
3. University of Iowa: Eggnog Latte
The eggnog latte comes out to play once a year, just like Iowa's defense. Iowa is not known for being a good team, but last year they beat the Wolverines. And this year, they unexpectedly beat the Buckeyes. If you give the underrated team a chance, they can surprise you. So can the eggnog latte. Don't write them off too quickly.
4. University of Maryland: Turtle Frappuccino
The only thing I have ever heard come out of a Maryland student's mouth is, "Go Terps." It's only fitting that their drink is named after their mascot. The Turtle Frappuccino might be a secret menu item, but Maryland students won't keep it a secret that they hate being called turtles. They're terrapins, okay.
5. University of Michigan: Pumpkin Spice Latte
New York/New Jersey girls flock to the University of Michigan with their Canada Goose's on and pumpkin spice lattes in hand. Michigan students have as much school spirit as the PSL has fall spirit. People love to hate on Michigan students and the PSL for thinking they are the best (they are). But, they're just jealous. We all know they have Tom Brady jerseys hidden in their closet.
6. Michigan State: Water
Water at Starbucks is free, a Michigan State education should be too. But, the students at State are going to need the water to hydrate after partying all week long. Water isn't the first choice at Starbucks, and State isn't the first college choice of Michigan residents.
7. University of Minnesota: Hot Chocolate
The University of Minnesota is one of the coldest universities in the country. The students there need to bundle up to keep warm. And there is no better way to stay warm than drinking a cup of hot chocolate.
8. University of Nebraska-Lincoln: Pineapple Black Tea
The University of Nebraska is a longtime loyal member of the Big 10 conference. But much like the overlooked pineapple black tea, it's been a while since they've been super relevant. But here's a big thank you for your service to the Cornhuskers and pineapple black tea drinkers. We didn't forget you guys!
9. Northwestern University: Espresso
The only shots Northwestern students are taking during the week are shots of espresso. Northwestern doesn't rank high in athletics, but their academics do more than make up for that. Espresso drinkers are intelligent and sophisticated just like the Northwestern student body. A potent shot of espresso is the perfect beverage for a Northwestern student to continue to stress out over their busy workload.
10. The Ohio State University: Caramel Macchiato
When you think of the Big 10, The Ohio State University is one of the first schools that comes to mind. The Ohio State University and the caramel macchiato are both incredibly popular, but nothing more than average. But, OSU feels so threatened by Michigan, that they're going to cross the "M's" off in caramel macchiato.
11. Penn State: Flat White
Penn State wouldn't be Penn State if there wasn't a white out. The flat white keeps with the all-white theme of Nittany Lion home games. WE ARE, flat whites. Like Penn State's uniforms, the flat white is simple. The whole milk at the top gives it the signature Penn State all-white look we're used to seeing every Saturday in Happy Valley.
12. Purdue University: Pink Drink
Purdue University isn't like the others. They don't have rich honored traditions. They're the cool kids in school, much like the pink drink. When the pink drink came out, everyone went crazy for the new innovative beverage containing strawberry acai, passion fruit, and coconut milk. Purdue, with their cool black and gold uniform, stand out from the rest.
13. Rutgers University: Fizzio Handcrafted Sodas
Fizzio handcrafted sodas (yes, they're actually a Starbucks menu item) and Rutgers University do not belong. Unique soda flavors and the scarlet knights just can't compete with their counterparts. Nobody goes into a coffee shop for weird sodas and nobody watches Big 10 games featuring the latest embarrassment of the Rutgers football team.
14. University of Wisconsin-Madison: Cold Brew
Starbucks' Cold Brew coffee has a tagline: Slow-Steeped. No Heat. Smooth Flavor. Life in Madison is brutally cold, but that doesn't stop Wisconsin students from having fun. They're known for having one of the top party scenes nationwide and their football team is always among the best. Sincere apologies for not having a cheese based beverage for you Wisconsin cheeseheads out there.
Honestly, you can't go wrong with any Big Ten school or any Starbucks drink. But, I have a feeling Jim Harbaugh might say otherwise.