Action Bronson is a rapper well known for his tracks like "Baby Blue" and "Standing in the Rain," but what's less known about him is his background as a gourmet chef. This explains how his culinary passion finds its way into his lyrics. I've compiled a list of his very best lines paired with recipes that will help you bring Action's words to life.
1. I hope your dreams dry like raisins in the baking sun
This line is savage and would certainly knock down the ego of whoever it's directed towards. To sweeten up the harshness, try baking these oatmeal raisin cookies. They're vegan and gluten-free, making them friendly towards almost any diet.
2. All my women play the flute, saw me place a melon and prosciutt'
Is there anything classier than being surrounded by flute-playing women while dining on melon and prosciutto? I can get you halfway there with this prosciutto-wrapped peach and goat cheese salad, as everyone knows prosciutto-wrapped anything is the pinnacle of class.
3. I'm steady diving in chocolate like Willy Wonka
Not even Willy Wonka could dream up an espresso-filled molten chocolate lava cake like this. Grab a snorkel and dive into this melted chocolate goodness.
4. Dough dirty, make your brother do a curtsy. No mercy, Van Buren cop Hershey.
The dirtiest dough out there is that of the slutty brownie. Kick it up a notch by adding Samoas and Hershey's chocolate chips, making a dessert that would make even Action Bronson blush.
5. Vagina splash like apple cider
Take G-rated apple cider to the R level by using it to make fall-inspired sangria. This drink has all the classic flavors of fall: cinnamon, nutmeg, and apples. Line the rim with cinnamon sugar to add an extra splash guard.
6. The only one drinkin' mango lassi in the bullpen
You could be even better than that one guy drinking mango lassi in the bullpen by eating mango lassi in the bullpen. Show your love for Action's lyrical and culinary genius with these mango lassi popsicles.
7. Spilled dressin' on the vest at the festival
If somebody spilled this carrot ginger dressing on me at a festival, I wouldn't even care—it's a free condiment far superior to ketchup or mustard. Throw this dressing together and never worry about spilling again.
8. I know your crabs from that Old Bay taste
These Maryland crab cakes taste a lot better than the crabs Action is referring to...
9. All this lechuga in my jeans
Lechuga is Spanish for lettuce, which you can use to make thai chicken lettuce wraps. Just don't keep them in your jeans—they wouldn't travel well.
10. Smack the taco out your mouth, green couch
There are many different kinds of tacos Action could be referring to, but the "green couch" led me to believe he was going for some good ol' veggie tacos. Try to recreate his image with these black bean and butternut squash tacos.
11. Old money in the bag look like sautéed spinach bitch
Make that sautéed spinach look even better with this easy spinach pie. You can save that old money because all it takes to cook this baby up is five simple ingredients.
12. Smokin' blueberry like a muffin
These blueberry muffins will make you feel way better than whatever blueberry Action is smoking. These treats taste even better than they look, which is saying a lot.
13. Never burn a dinner, spend cake on cheese
While Action's meaning being spend money on cheese is not lost on me, a better alternative would be to spend money on cheesecake—creamy yet crumbly, calorie-laden goodness.
14. Only green M&M's placed in my dressing room
Turn this pretzel mash covered with white chocolate, lucky charms, M&M's, and sprinkles into Action's dream by only using green candy. Or make it into a holiday dessert by subbing holiday colored M&M's and mini marshmallows with red and green food coloring.
15. Cheddar attached, my mental is hash from the medicine cabinet
Cheddar and hash browns, a match made in heaven. Make your taste buds sing with this incredible hash brown recipe.
If there's anything spontaneous you choose to do this week, make it cooking up a storm inspired by Action Bronson's rhymes and inviting all your friends over to eat it while having a rap showdown to Action Bronson.