I love pizza. If someone asks me what I want for dinner, there’s an 85% chance I’ll think of pizza (but I probably won’t say it). If you don’t like pizza, I think you’re weird. It’s versatile, has all the macros you need, and is literally used as a ploy to get students to attend events on campus. As far as I know, pizza can solve our country’s problems. This is why I decided I would eat only pizza for a week.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating.
Regardless, I do love pizza. So, when I heard about a girl who ate only pizza for a week, I immediately thought “I can do that!” I pitched the idea to my editor, and here we are.
In the above-mentioned article, the author ended up losing weight. Although skeptical that it might do that for me, I did wonder how it would affect my body and my appetite. So why not give it a go? I was PSYCHED to eat only pizza for a whole week. I mean, who wouldn’t be?
First, of course, I had to set some ground rules. Restrictions are the BFF of diets, but whether they’re my BFF is up for debate. These are the guidelines for eating pizza for a week I set for myself:
1. The pizza must be pizza in a generally accepted sense. For example, dessert pizzas and flatbreads are cheating, but pizzas with a sauce other than your standard red sauce (pesto, Alfredo, barbecue, etc.) are fair game.
2. No other kind of food can be consumed, including things that may technically be pizza (like calzones, which were suggested to me multiple times).
3. Water, coffee, and tea, in their purest forms, are the only drinks allowed.
The day before my new diet went into effect, I started to get nervous about what kind of havoc I would wreak on my body. I’m not the healthiest person on the planet, but I’m not picky and I do make an effort to balance my meals. Additionally, I was starting to get sick and knew that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the gym as often as I hoped. I considered pushing this experiment back a week, but I realized that if I didn’t dive in ASAP, I’d probably wimp out.
Potential physical agony aside, I knew this might be a challenge, considering that there are effectively zero places on SLU’s campus to get pizza. This means I would either rely on frozen pizza or sacrifice a good portion of my most recent paycheck to get the good stuff from off-campus restaurants.
Nevertheless, I persisted. I made my last supper a good one, eating everything I was craving and predicted that I would in the upcoming week. That night, after making my breakfast for the next day, I went to sleep slightly sick and slightly terrified about what I was getting myself into.
Day 1
Mood: “I’m crazy”
Slices: 10
I woke up, made my coffee, grabbed two slices of the Jack’s Mexican pizza I had made the night before, and ate them cold like a real college student. As I was basically running out the door to get to my 9:30am lecture on time, I threw three slices in my backpack for lunch.
On the average Tuesday, I would have two hours between classes for lunch and for this specifically, I would opt to go back to my apartment and eat pizza in peace. However, I had an 11:30am meeting, and ate my cold pizza in an armchair on the second floor of our psychology building. I felt very self-conscious doing this, but ultimately I survived, notwithstanding the fact that three slices was not enough to satisfy my hunger.
Upon returning to my apartment after class at 4pm, I promptly ate two more pieces of cold Mexican pizza to hold me over until an appropriate dinner time while daydreaming of all the foods I could have been enjoying instead. Finally, at 9pm, I feasted on the three largest slices of a Papa John’s black olive and pineapple pizza (don’t @ me) and realized I was actually crazy for voluntarily limiting myself to pizza for a WEEK.
Day 2
Mood: “Maybe this isn’t so bad?”
Slices: 5.5
I woke up significantly more ill than I had been the day before, which put a damper on this experiment real fast. The words “I’m going to die if all I eat is pizza when I’m sick,” may or may not have come out of my mouth. But in the name of science, I sucked it up, polished off my last slice of Mexican pizza, and drank some coffee.
By lunch time, I was feeling so tired and sick that I had almost no appetite. I took a nap instead, and my appetite came back with vengeance. Two more slices of PJ’s and a whole lot of water filled my stomach as my 2:10pm class approached. It was around this time that I noticed a slight but consistent feeling of heartburn.
Lo and behold, I took another nap after class before I had to go to work. Another piece held me over until after my shift, when I finished my last slice and a half (the other half went to my roommate, who wanted to try the black olive-pineapple combo).
Day 3
Mood: Serious food FOMO
Slices: 12
Whatever sleep I had gotten the previous night did a great job, because I felt way less sick! My faith in my ability to complete this trial was restored. The night before, I made a Jack’s cheese pizza, amped up with green pepper, onion, and spinach because, if we’re being honest, I needed the fiber. Two pieces served as my breakfast along with my usual coffee.
For lunch, I learned from my Tuesday mistake and ate four slices. Still, I was ravenous by the time I got done with class around 4:30pm and ate the remaining two slices of pizza in the fridge as a pre-dinner snack. AND I WAS STILL HUNGRY.
Note to self: Jack’s frozen pizzas are not at all filling. I also noticed a small pimple forming where the pizza would hit my face when I was eating. Great.
For actual dinner, I was feeling a little ~inspired~ (broke) and decided to make my own pizza, using this simple crust recipe, leftover spaghetti sauce, non-mozzarella cheese, and some veggies. I ate four slices, which inevitably resulted in heartburn.
Day 4
Mood: “This is starting to get old.”
Slices: 7
It was a rough morning. I had absolutely no appetite, so I skipped breakfast and regretted it as soon as I got to class. My first move when I got back to my apartment at noon was to scarf down the remaining two pieces of my homemade masterpiece, which left me pizza-less and still hungry.
An afternoon of doing almost nothing productive certainly didn’t warrant the hunger that hit me around 5:30pm that day. I had dinner plans for 6:30pm. Fortunately, my roommate’s a Capella group had a meeting in our apartment at 6:00pm WITH PIZZA, so I snagged a slice of Hawaiian to hold me over.
While waiting for dinner, I skimmed my Facebook feed, which is 85% food. I definitely found myself longing for a break from my only-pizza diet to eat sushi, brownies, and Cajun mac and cheese. So for dinner that night, I switched it up a bit and ordered a delicious white pizza at Pizzeoli, one of the many great restaurants in Soulard. I could have eaten more than the four pieces I did, but I wanted some for breakfast the next morning.
Day 5
Mood: Optimistic
Slices: 7
As promised, I started the day with my leftovers, which was two slices. They were just as good the second time around, but I knew that they wouldn’t be able to sufficiently hold me over until the end of my noon to 4:00pm shift, and subsequently until dinner. Out of curiosity, I weighed myself to gauge the damage done. To my surprise, I hadn’t gained any weight, and actually erred on the side of losing a couple pounds. The human body is better at maintaining itself than I thought.
I considered ordering a pizza for lunch. Did I? No. Was it a mistake? Yes. However, a friend offered to bring me some food during my shift, so I did get a slice of cold Domino’s cheese pizza to quell my hunger. The logistics of this “only pizza” thing was annoyingly hard to pull off.
For dinner, the roomies and I ordered Pi Pizza. I got my own 16″ both because I was starving and needed leftovers. Three pieces down the gullet, and I was feeling pretty alright. But because I had been so frugal earlier in the day, I got hungry around 10:00pm, so I had another slice as a nightcap.
Day 6
Mood: Thrilled!
Slices: 8
I woke up shocked that five days of eating only pizza had gone by so fast. I had made it to the home stretch! To celebrate, I ate a big slice of my greasy Pi leftovers for breakfast. A brief shopping trip to Ulta, Trader Joe’s, Target, and Goodwill got me revved up to finish this thing strong.
For lunch, I ate more leftovers. Because the pizza was so heavy, I also made an arugula pizza that I picked up from TJ’s and had four more slices.
An afternoon of laundry, miscellaneous chores, and work led to a dinner of two slices of Pi Pizza and one of TJ’s. Admittedly, I highly considered cheating at this point. Eating only pizza every day leaves much to be desired. The jar of candy corn in our kitchen was calling my name, and I almost caved. I’m proud to say that I didn’t.
Day 7
Mood: Proud, but also very much D O N E
Slices: At least 8
How I made it to day seven without cheating or giving up, I’m still not sure. I doubted myself from the start.
Breakfast consisted of two pieces of cold arugula pizza and a hot cup of coffee (surprise!). Compounded by a too-small dinner, this left me starving by lunchtime, which meant I was going to have to buy more pizza to finish out the day.
On the way back from class at noon, I picked up some bagel bites from the freezer section of our on-campus convenience store. Lunch that day was finishing off my Pi Pizza and a cold slice of arugula pizza, totaling three slices and completely warranted heartburn.
For early dinner at 5pm, I ate my last slice of arugula pizza and made the bagel bites I bought earlier in the day. You may consider this cheating, but I also didn’t care one bit at this point. Late dinner at 7pm, my final meal in this test of self-control, was two pieces of the pizza that my roommates got from Pi.
The Takeaway
Pizza is a force to be reckoned with. That entire week, I never once got sick of pizza (I would definitely eat it if given the opportunity), and I never experienced any particularly awful effects. I gained little to no weight and didn’t spend the week bloated, sluggish, and miserable as I expected. Plus, it was really nice not to think too hard about what I was going to eat for each meal. Meal prep is great, but autopilot can be, too.
The worst part had nothing to do with the pizza itself. I’m not a picky eater. I love all the food groups equally and plan my meals accordingly. What truly made eating only pizza for a week a challenge was that I wanted SO badly to eat something else. A week without black beans, eggs, salads, fruit, chocolate, ice cream, and peanut butter was sort of agonizing.
I don’t think I’ll ever limit myself to one specific food for seven whole days ever again, but I’m proud to say that I did it. And to anyone who thinks they could eat only pizza for a week, I say give it a shot.