Ah, Hamilton: the musical of our generation that’s taught us more about American history than twelve years of primary and secondary schooling ever did. Maybe you are one of the very lucky people who have seen the show. I have not, but I’ve downloaded the soundtrack and the mixtape, and know the words to every song by heart. If you keep practicing your karaoke, Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator and original Alexander Hamilton, may one day overhear you and give you backstage passes. In the meantime, eat like LMM and his co-stars by making your way through this highly unscientific analysis of the characters as common foods.

Angelica Schuyler: Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

sweet, oatmeal cookie, cookie, chocolate, oatmeal
Kristine Mahan

She will never be "Satisfied"... and neither will we, because we thought these were chocolate chip!

Elizabeth Schuyler: Fine Wine 

red wine, white wine, liquor, alcohol, wine
Steven Baboun

She's "Helpless," but she gets better with age.

Alexander Hamilton: Red Bull 

tea, water, milk, coffee, ice, beer
Alexa Rojek

The man is "Non-Stop." Red Bull will keep you chugging through your all-night cramming session, but take Angelica's advice and take a break: too much caffeine has some pretty nasty side effects!

Aaron Burr: Peanut Butter 

pudding, dairy product, coffee, honey, jam, chocolate, caramel, sweet, milk, cream
Maggie Gorman

Some people love him, some people hate him, and some people are dead because of him. 

John Laurens: Starbucks 

juice, yogurt, ice, tea, cappuccino, sweet, cream, coffee, milk
Becky Hughes

Like Starbucks, John Laurens wants to "socially advance."

Hercules Mulligan: High Fructose Corn Syrup 

molasses, tea, whisky, oil, honey, maple syrup, wine, alcohol, liquor, syrup
Stephanie Lee

Hercules Mulligan went undercover in the British Army, and high-fructose corn syrup is undercover in most every processed food.

George Washington: Apple Pie

bread, pie, cake, pastry, sweet
Erin Voss

An all-American dessert for our nation's first ever president!

Lafayette: French fries 

spaghetti, pasta, french fries
Alex Frank

"Everybody give it up for America's favorite fighting Frenchman!" I’m not entirely sure about the origins of French fries, but they are undoubtedly a USA diet staple.

King George: Crumpet

cake, bread, pastry, sweet, jam
Jennifer Hayashi

I'm not confident I could distinguish a scone from a crumpet, but in America we have biscuits that we smother in gravy.

Thomas Jefferson: Pizza 

Like Jefferson, pizza shows up late to the party (in this case, American independence) and then takes the heck over.

Peggy Schuyler: Sour Patch Kid 

Sour, Sweet, Gone. Peggy did not live long either.

Maria Reynolds: Cheat day meal

Alexander Hamilton did not "Say No to This."  I would not say "no" this Black Tap milkshake!

Here’s hoping that these delectable items will power you through whatever rehearsals and performances you have in your starry life!