As I sit in my dorm, waiting for Uber Eats to get here with my shrimp lo mein and pork dumpling, I can definitely say, “damn, I am grateful for food delivery.” I’m not the only college senior tired of ramen, easy mac, and microwave popcorn and no motivation to cook myself a meal. That’s why Drake’s recent call list for drool-worthy noms would come in handy when you’re hungry. We’ve already been convinced that Drake is secretly a foodie, so his opinion matters. So here’s a list of restaurants that are definitely places Drake would hotline bling for food in Montclair!
1. The Cookie Connect (201)-822-5339
“Late night when you need my love”
Drake loves connecting with old exes so it wouldn’t be a surprising for him to be a fan of the Cookie Connect. Everyone’s sent that late night “you up?” text before and you can literally text (201)-822-5339 for any cookie you want up until 2AM. The menu includes: S’mores, Salted Caramel Pretzel, Cookies N’ Cream, Fruity Pebbles and even gluten-free and sugar-free options. SWEET.
2. Cars (973)-745-6400
“Hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before”
It seems Drake is a little upset that his old girl is out being a champagne mami with some new friends. How does he cope? He takes some shots until he’s rollin’ and then he has to hotline bling for food and order the ultimate drunken deal maker, a Fat Sandwich. These sandwiches are stuffed with chicken tenders, mozzarella sticks, cheesesteak, meatballs, fries, onion rings, bacon, mac n’ cheese, and the list goes on. Drake has some really big things, and CARS has some really big sandwiches.
3. The Spot (973)-337-8922
“Going places where you don’t belong”
Drake thinks you’re going places you don’t belong, but really, this spot is delivering to you. The Spot has all-American comfort food only a hotline bling away. It’s a place for families who drive Camries and go to Disney, and for college kids with no car who want the cheesiest macaroni and cheese topped with breadcrumbs.
4. Stuffed Burgers (973)-893-5805
“You got exactly what you asked for”
It’s called Stuffed for a reason. These burgers will stuff you, but start not giving a f*ck and stop fearing the consequence. The menu blesses you with a donut burger and a mac and cheese burger cheesier than Drake’s smile (which I love by the way). The meat in these burgers is 100% grass fed because they know they know they know how unacceptable it is to grain feed animals and give them antibiotics.
5. Hot Bagels (973)-655-0400
“Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out”
It’s a Sunday morning and you wanna feel like What A Time To Be Alive but you feel more like What A Time To Stay Under My Covers and Sleep Forever. It’s obvious Drake would hotline bling for food a Hot Bagel joint. Drake would deal with his stress by hotline blinging a beautiful bagel. Bacon egg and cheese, lox and cream cheese, taylor ham and avocado, whatever you choose, your first hungover bite into a breakfast bagel and it’ll take care of you. Take Care features Rihanna but unfortunately she won’t be delivered!
6. Kimchi Smoke House II (973)-744-3900
“Doing things I taught you, gettin’ nasty for someone else”
Drake calls it getting nasty and we call it getting messy. Cover your hands in BBQ sauce and wipe them on your roommate’s blanket. Just don’t get caught because nothing will be the same. You can order pulled pork and chopped brisket covered in a seductive BBQ glaze. There are also tasty vegetarian options like rice bowls and soft flour tortillas. Campus security might just come to your door because they’ve received calls that someone is barbecuing in Dinallo.
7. Enzo’s (973)-509-0999
“Wonder if you’re rollin’ up a backwoods for someone else”
Drake’s rapping about rollin’ up backwoods but he’s really talking about rolling out pizza dough. They serve up the most authentic Italian pizza, pasta, and sandwiches and it makes me so proud. When Drake tucked his napkin in his shirt because he was mobbin’ like that, I’m sure he was actually using that napkin to wipe his hands after mobbin’ at this amazing Italian restaurant.
8. Pure Pita (973)-893-5003
“Used to always stay a home, be a good girl”
Apparently Drake likes his girls how he likes his Mediterranean food, good and pure. Pure Pita’s menu goes all the way to 100, real quick. Every item is health conscious and delicious! I give you permission to be on your worst behavior to reward yourself for keeping your diet on its best behavior at Pure Pita. #SpoonTip: Try the Santa Fe Chicken Rice Bowl, you’ll order it back to back, I promise.
PS: Remember to always tip the driver! Drake would want you to.