There are a lot of different holidays to celebrate this time of year but there’s always one thing that remains constant in any festive household: food. Chances are pretty high that year after year you rolled up to Aunt Jackie’s house and did three things: came, saw, and conquered the dinner table.
This all sounds great until you remember that it’s never that simple. You’re probably one of few college kids in your family and that means everyone is dying to know about one thing: school. I’m sure you remember that only a month ago it was Thanksgiving, and yeah it was great to see your family (and more importantly your dogs), but seriously, wasn’t it so annoying to be grilled harder than a well-done steak? Here are 10 questions your relatives will probably ask you this holiday season and 10 responses to curve every single one of them.
1. Are You Seeing Anyone Special?
Raise your hand if you don’t like discussing your personal life loudly and proudly at the dinner table. My hand is way up, it feels blessed. Wiggle out of this one by gracefully changing the subject to the fact that you are now taking donations to study abroad in France before you graduate. I know it’s genius and yeah you’re welcome, send me a postcard from Paris please.
2. Why Do You Wear So Many Baggy Shirts?
Well, if you must question my fashion sense I must insist that you remember who it is you’re talking to. I’m in college, and college kids are tired because life is hard and college is hard, and together it’s like everything is super duper hard. I am always tired so I at least deserve to be comfortable. It’s called fashion, look it up. Fictional college student Rory Gilmore was even known to wear a sweatshirt once or twice.
3. How Are Your Roommates?
Well, you haven’t done laundry in a month and there’s still remnants of the last pregame you had scattered throughout the kitchen, but no one needs to know that. As far as your parents are concerned, you’re an organized and responsible adult who lives in a perfect household. Change the topic to the fact that Kylie Jenner is making a calendar for the year 2017. This is ground breaking stuff! She even posed with a snake so I really want (need) one as a gift.
4. How’s Your GPA?
I don’t know Uncle Steve, how’s your GPA? What I do know is that honey bees are dying at an alarming rate. We need those guys for things like… honey. How am I supposed to focus on studying when cute little bees are dropping like flies? Sheesh.
5. What’s the Job Placement Percentage for Your Major?
If you have no clue what it is, then don’t worry about it, just work hard and be kind to people and you will find success. If you do know and it’s not a high number then please refer to the previous sentence because the same thing goes. Someone who has a pretty cool job is Bella Hadid because, being a famous supermodel sounds pretty ideal.
Explain to your family why she is famous and how her family is famous too and definitely bring up her ex-boyfriend (the Weeknd). No one will really know what you’re talking about and someone will change the subject soon enough.
6. When Do You Want to Graduate?
When I get a job. Until then it’s college forever. Maybe I’m lacking job offers, but I’m also lacking gluten. It’s super trendy right now to be gluten-free but also very beneficial to your health. Later this week, I’m going to try making pizza with a quinoa-based crust. Noms.
7. How Did Finals Go?
Don’t mention that you slept for a total of three hours during all of finals week and then barely passed the exams themselves. Instead say “they were good, just like this [insert food here]!” Then without hesitation stuff a bunch of food in your mouth and act AMAZED at how good it is. Insist that you must have the recipe right away and ask about each step of making it and also question where each ingredient came from. It better be organic.
8. Why Didn’t You Go to a School Closer to Home?
It definitely would have been more convenient if you went to school closer to home and sometimes (every day) you admit you miss your mom. It’s good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and force yourself to grow that way. Take the spotlight off of yourself by turning to your unprepared and unsuspecting younger brother and ask him what his college plans are. Sit back and watch as all the attention in the room lands on him and listen intently while he explains SAT study plans and future college visits.
9. Why Don’t You Call More Often?
Honestly, I don’t have time to call anyone at all, sometimes I forget to do basic things like eat because I simply don’t have the time. I would call more, I swear, but I’ve been distracted by things like Google and how they just made a phone that has unlimited storage. That’s so crazy. Maybe I would be in touch more if I didn’t have the oldest phone on the planet. I sure hope that’s under my tree this year… hint hint.
10. Have You Gained Weight?
Your not-so-subtle mother just not so subtly questioned your appearance. Classic. Round up your cousins and your siblings and try your best to explain to your older family members what the mannequin challenge is. Yes, there’s no point to it and yes you can blink. Practicing a mannequin challenge with your family will distract them for so long that they may even forget what they were talking to you about in the first place
If all else fails, just talk about your dog. Happy Holidays.