Where can you find me on a Monday night? Watching one lucky woman being wooed by 30 fine as hell men. The Bachelorette is reality TV show in which one woman, Rachel Lindsay, is put on national television in aims to finding a man to marry (or break up with in the following months).
Filled to the brim with trashy drama, The Bachelorette has grabbed the country by the heart as we watch (literal) fireworks and half naked men mud wrestle. Regardless of the playful nature of the show, it has me wondering about love. If you are anything like me, the way to your heart is through your stomach. So, what do your preferences in men say about your food preferences?
Peter: You order off the menu based on how Instagrammable the dish is
Peter is fine AF, but a 10 minute conversation about the gap in your teeth? No thanks. Peter is hot hot hot, but I would go on a date with him just so I get send pics to my friends and they could get mad jealous rage that I got to see his gap tooth up close and personal. If you like Peter, you order an açai bowl for the pics, even though you are allergic to açai.
Diggy: You go to the trendiest restaurants and blog about it
Diggy is the trendiest of the bachelorette contestants. He definetly has more shoes than Rachel, but it's hard to resist that smile and his bow ties *dying.* If you like Diggy, you are sure to have always tried the trendiest food; not only that, but you have a food blog to share how you feel about rainbow bagels and black ice cream.
Brady: You are trying out the latest, trendy diet
If you checked out Brady's abs on the mud wrestling date, it is no secret that he is a model. His chiseled jaw bone and baby blues are sure to make any girl swoon. If you are rooting for Brady, you are sure to be following the latest 'model off-duty diet.' One celebrity only eats kale and Kombucha? You are right there with them.
Dean: You like a family-run business
I'm going to say what everyone is thinking: Dean is the cutest. After him and Rachel shared that ~tender~ moment, everyone in Bachelor Nation felt a combination of extreme jealousy and hope that Rachel could end up with Dean. Dean is the wholesome boy you take home to your parents.
If Dean is your fave, you are the type of person that ALWAYS supports local businesses. Your favorite café is run by a sweet old couple, your favorite restaurant is run by a cute couple, and you stay far from chains.
Bryan: You go to restaurants where the menu is in a different language, and love it
Rachel might not understand half of what Bryan says in Spanish, but that won't stop her from giving him the first impression rose. (It also doesn't hurt that he slipped in a steamy kiss the first night. Rachel was not mad about that.)
Bryan is the equivalent of going to an authentic tapas restaurant where the entire menu is in Spanish. You may not know what you're ordering, but when those patatas bravas are coming your way, you aren't mad.
Kenny: You have family dinner every night
Kenny is very wholesome... with a twist. In between gushing about his daughter, he fully shows that he is professional wrestler. If you like Kenny, family meals are your forte. Every night your family huddles around a home-cooked meal and shares about their days. The twist? You and your family are carnivores. To quote Ron Swanson, "You don't eat what your food eats."
Anthony: Your favorite ice cream is vanilla
Anthony is sweet, but vanilla AF. Besides having the weirdest one-on-one date in the history of the Bachelorette. (Did anyone else see his horse poop in a shop on rodeo drive?) Anthony isn't memorable.
Trying to write this, I literally cannot remember a single thing about Anthony. If you can see Anthony and Rachel walking down the aisle, you are the type of person that asks for a sample of vanilla ice cream. You are basic AF, but you sure are sweet.
Alex: Your fave restaurant has great food, but the tackiest decor
Alex is one hot Russian (I mean, look at those dance moves), but we need to talk about something: his fashion choices are super questionable. The pants he wore to the group date to the Ellen show were one thing, but he wore a purple, tiger striped suit to rose ceremony. Talk about tacky.
Although his style is questionable and he admitted to peeing in the mansion pool (ummm), we forgive him because he is just so pretty. If you love our Russian friend, then your favorite restaurant has the tackiest decor. Maybe their food is to die for, but no one can get over the zebra print carpet and their dishes named after celebrities. (I'll take one Channing Tatum with a side of fries!)
Jonathon: You make frequent Chucky Cheese visits for the food
Jonathan is kinda creepy. Tickle monster? Really? And can we talk about those giant hands from the rose ceremony? I'm going to make a wild guess and say Jonathon won't make it far. I don't care how hard he makes Rachel laugh, no one marries the man that tickles you for a first impression. If you are rooting for Jonathan (why?), your favorite part of Chucky Cheese birthday parties as a child was the food. You love playing all the games, but you love their plastic-like pizza.
And for those missing eliminated contestants: Lucas (aka Whaboom): You go to trashy bars… for the food
Basically, you have no taste. If you like Lucas you wouldn’t mind get screamed at every two seconds. Doing the dishes? WHABOOM; Taking your dog for a walk? WHABOOM; Trying to make out with him? WHABOOM. This is equivalent of going to a trashy college bar… for the food.
You don’t mind going to a restaurant where everything there is covered in a layer of cigarette ashes and your order is taking a long time because the “microwave ain’t working right.”
Demario: You don't mind paying for food you don't get
Okay, okay, I know Demario got eliminated, but he gets a special shoutout for being the token contestant that comes on the show while still having a girlfriend. If you like Demario (post GF drama, because even I was rooting for this fine man), then you are the type of person that doesn't mind getting the wrong food.
Wanted french fries? Here, take this celery. Basically you thought you were getting a fine man and you ended up with a guy that is sleeping over one night and then making wedding plans with Rachel the next.
This article has got me drooling over these hot men, drooling over some yummy food and wondering "who is here for the right reasons?" Until next week, as Rachel says, "keep it real."