President Donald Trump has just about finalized his cabinet picks, and these people are about as qualified to hold a position of power as I am to write a serious article about politics.

Almost half of his selections have no experience in government, and many have business ties that will directly conflict with their administration. I paired the most notorious members of Trump's cabinet with food so that you can literally eat your feelings, just as our Founding Fathers wanted.

Rex Tillerson (Secretary of State)– Soggy Fries

poutine, french fries, waffle, cheese, bacon
Olivia Benjamin

Have you ever picked up a French fry and it just goes limp because it's been sitting around far too long? Well, Rex Tillerson is the fry that sat around for 42 years. Prior to being selected as Secretary of State, Tillerson was the CEO of ExxonMobile. 

Dubbed a man “with oil in his veins” by The Telegraph, he hasn’t worked at any company other than Exxon; his role as Secretary of State will be his first new job since 1975. 

Jeff Sessions (Attorney General)–White Bread

bread, toast, wheat, cereal, sweet, sandwich
Christin Urso

White bread is made by removing the bran and germ– which give color to flour–from wheat during the milling process. It is often bleached further in order to make the bread as white as possible, just like his envisioned Great American future.

In 1987, his nomination for the Senate was rejected after word spread that he previously joked about the KKK and called the NAACP “un-American.” His recent appointment as Attorney General has many concerned about how Sessions will enforce laws involving illegal immigrants and civil rights.

Steve Bannon (Chief Strategist)– Baloney

File:Bologna lunch meat style sausage.JPG

Image from WikiCommons

This one speaks for itself. Before becoming Chief Stategist, Steve Bannon was the executive chair of Breitbart News, a conservative site infamous for propagating fake news stories aimed at slandering liberals, people of color, and immigrants.

Looking for a quick recipe? Combine Steve Bannon with Jeff Sessions and the rest of Trump's Cabinet to make one big, xenophobic, racist sandwich,

Rick Perry (Secretary of Energy)–Cup Noodles

soup, broth, pasta, ramen, noodle, tea
Jocelyn Hsu

Have you ever seen a container of Cup Noodles cut in half? It’s less than half-full, just like Rick Perry’s skull. He flunked an array of his college courses, getting an F in organic chemistry, a C in US History, a D in economics, and even a C in gym

As Cup Noodles must be filled with hot water, Rick Perry has landed himself in hot water at nobody's fault but his own. During a 2011 Republican Primary debate, he urged for the elimination of the Department of Energy (the same department he will lead), but forgot what it was called–on live television

Betsy DeVos (Secretary of Education)–Homemade Food


Bludgeoner86 on Flickr

Remember that time when you thought you'd make yourself dinner? You had never even stepped into a kitchen, let alone cooked, but but you thought that coq au vin was a good place to start. Five hours later, you were in a pool of sweat with nothing but burnt chicken to show for your efforts.

When asked whether she had previously considered being Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos responded: “I literally [had] never given it a thought.” During her first day on the job, she tweeted that she couldn't find the pencils in her office. What?