We’ve all been there. Feeling unlovable, unworthy, and insecure sucks, but it’s not an uncommon feeling. I cannot count the number of times I’ve whispered, “I hate myself,” or, “No one will ever love you.” These feelings are awful. But you don’t have to stay in this dark place.
Through years of therapy, I have learned many skills on how to cope with feelings of insecurity, and here’s the regimen I’ve personally developed on how to work through it.
1. Allow Yourself to Feel the ~Feels~
This may seem counterintuitive, but it is a critical step. If you ignore these emotions, they will only bubble up and explode. Avoidance landed me in the hospital twice my senior year of high school, and dealing with my emotions and feeling them has saved me so much pain in the long run.
2. Remember to Breathe
Yes, this seems obvious, but it’s so difficult to keep your breathing balanced in periods of anxiety. I usually practice 4-7-8 breathing (breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, and breathe out for eight) when I am feeling especially dysregulated.
3. Listen to Music
Plan ahead: create a playlist of songs that will calm you down and remind you that you are not alone, and then you are all set whenever you need it. I personally find comfort in singers like Demi Lovato (who has dealt with mental illness and addiction) and Rachel Platten. Some of my favorite songs to listen to is “Giants” by Ella Henderson and “Clean” by Taylor Swift.
4. Phone a Friend
Reaching out may seem nearly impossible in times of loneliness, but it’s worth it. Make a list of five reliable friends, family members, a significant other, etc. and pull that out when you need to talk to someone. I have one friend I always call when I’m anxious, and though she may not be able to change my feelings, I can always count on her to distract me with Vanderpump Rules gossip.
5. Have Some Positive Affirmations Ready
This is honestly the hardest thing to do in moments of stress, but it is so critical. Don’t continue that negative thought chain—be ready with some self-love mantras to counter those voices. My favorites are “I am safe,” “I am not alone,” “I am strong,” and “I am enough.” You might not believe them at first, but they are true.
No matter how you choose to cope with these feelings, please remember that you are strong and you are worthy of life and love. You are never alone, and you are enough.