Ben & Jerry don’t give you bland ice cream, so I’m sure as hell not going to give you bland sex positions to go along with them. Here are some of the top flavors and the sexy workout to go along with it.
#SpoonTip: All original drawings courtesy of Sydney Park, my BFF.
Half Baked: The Lazy Man
Chances are if you’re eating half-baked then you yourself are probably half or fully baked and likely watching Half Baked. This position is for the chill souls. It’s great for passing the joint, that piece of pizza, and, inevitably, passing out after. Being Ben & Jerry’s #1 seller for the past two years, this ice cream and this position are sure to hit the spot.
Cherry Garcia: Butter Churner
Named after Jerry Garcia, a member of the Grateful Dead, all dead heads and ice cream lovers alike should try this position. This is a pretty ridiculous one, not going to lie, but it’s worth a shot and honestly, if it doesn’t go well, at least you’ll get a laugh out of it. Be sure not to go at it too hard so that the neck of whomever is on bottom doesn’t literally become a dead head.
Chocolate Fudge Brownie: Swiss Ball Blitz
Chocolate Fudge Brownie is definitely a fan favorite that’s loaded with gooey and chewy brownies. Since this ice cream has little surprises along the way, your sex should, too. Getting freaky on a stability ball will keep things stimulating and add in those little bits of excitement that you crave.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: Iron Chef
There’s nothing better than raw cookie dough, except for maybe ice cream, well, except for cookie dough in ice cream. If you’re impatient enough to eat raw cookie dough, you probably won’t make it out of the kitchen to find a place to have sex. Find a counter, table, something at an appropriate height and get it on. But please, please disinfect the counter after.
Phish Food: H20HH Yeah
Named after Ben & Jerry’s favorite Burlington-based band, Phish, this ice cream is almost as funky as the band. It’s filled with marshmallow and caramels swirls and loaded with fudge fish. Going from Phish to fish, also known as “Aquaman’s Delight,” this position is for the daring and adventurous. It’s basically how to have sex in public in the most discrete way.
Americone Dream: Cowgirl
Created by Stephen Colbert, this is cream with fudge covered waffle cone is everything that America didn’t even know it needed. What’s more American than cowgirls and cowboys doing it? Great views of both partners: from the redwood forest to the New York islands, this position and flavor were made for you and your partner. You can also try reverse cowgirl to feed America’s new obsession with the junk in the trunk.
Chunky Monkey: Wheelbarrow
If you’re willing to eat a banana-based ice cream, you’re probably a fairly healthy person. Chunky Money does include three foods that boost your sex drive. This move tests your athletic ability as you climb all over your partner like a monkey. Wheelbarrow races at summer camp were never this fun.
The Tonight Dough: The G-Whiz
Born from Jimmy Fallon’s brilliant brain, this is Jimmy’s second ice cream flavor with Ben & Jerry’s. Just like The Tonight Show, you like to stay up late to have a good time. This position calls for legs on the shoulders, allows targeting of the G-spot and will definitely have you saying a bit more than just “g-whiz.”
Strawberry Cheesecake: Face Off
As one of the top 10 Ben & Jerry’s flavors of 2015, the strawberry ice cream, graham cracker crust swirl and real strawberries are sure to satisfy your sweet tooth. If you’re into the sweet classic strawberry cheesecake then you’ll be into this sweet, intimate position. It’s all about face-to-face and a warm embrace.
Salted Caramel Core: Waterfall
If you’re into the Ben & Jerry’s cores, giving you a little more than a plain ice cream, then you’re probably wanting a little more in the bedroom too. Use this stimulating position to give you that salty surprise that you look for in your ice cream and your partner. It will make blood rush to every head involved.
Chubby Hubby: The Pretzel
Chubby Hubby has so many different flavors within it: vanilla malt, peanut butter fudge, pretzels, and more peanut butter and more fudge. This position is aptly named; you’re intertwined in each other just like all of the crazy toppings and ingredients in Chubby Hubby.
Get freaky and enjoy yourself (with protection, of course).