Dear Anxiety,
You have taken over my life for as long as i can remember. The restless nights, overthinking every little thing, the uncertainty, the low self esteem, its all you, anxiety. Anxiety, you have convinced me that I will never be good enough for anyone or anything. Even worse, you never seem to go away. I first started to feel you enter my life in high school, and quite frankly I had no idea what you were. I thought it was normal to freak out over every little thing, and I thought low self esteem was a typical teenage thing. I only ever heard Kourtney K say “you’re giving me too much anxiety” on KUWTK, thinking it was a facade only celebrities dealt with.
I only truly discovered what you were a few years ago in therapy, after a freak fight with my now ex-boyfriend. It was the lowest point in my life, where I realized that how I react to things is not normal. During my weekly therapy sessions, I was able to learn how to work through my thoughts and emotions, and began to find solutions on how to control you.The first thing I started doing is practicing self care. It sounds silly I know, but I truly never loved myself until I started practicing self care.
I started with yoga. Yoga is a beautiful practice and gave me multiple benefits. I felt physically fit and felt in control of my mind. My confidence started to boost as time went by, making me want to continue down this path of making myself a better person. I also started focusing on what I was putting into my body. In high school I would have a breakfast sandwich almost every morning, and working at an ice cream shop meant having sundaes all the time. I replaced the bacon, egg & cheeses with KIND bars and tea, and completely gave up dairy (thank god the ice cream shop served sorbet). I felt more energized than ever, my mind wasn’t as foggy and I was able to focus better in school. Practicing self care was starting to make a difference in my life and I was loving every second of it.
Fast forwarding to today. Anxiety, I still feel you inside of me. But I also feel confident, strong, and beautiful inside and out. Anxiety, you’re never going to ruin me again. I have let you win way too many times. I have cried myself to sleep too many times. I have had enough anxiety attacks. Its my turn to control my life. I am 21 years young, this is supposed to be the time of my life. I will never let you take my life from me, anxiety. You only live once, and I will never EVER let you run my life again.
-Melissa
If you suffer from anxiety…
Just know you are not alone. Millions of people are affected by anxiety, just know that you can get through this! You are not crazy, you are not losing your mind, you are not a failure. You are beautiful inside and out, and there is help! Controlling my anxiety was the best decision I have ever made. There are so many resources out there for you. Here are a few resources to help manage anxiety and ideas to practice self care.
Self Care Ideas: Self Care Charts
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Free website: Meditation/Yoga
Free app for anxiety: Pacifica
“Be a warrior, not a worrier.”