There are those that are good with money; they balance academics and their part-time jobs effectively while saving and spending when necessary. However, there are also those less fiscally responsible.
You can spot these individuals in IV’s milk tea spots, looks of utter defeat spreading across their faces when the cashier tells them that “boba is going to be fifty cents extra.” They’re also found inside Blaze Pizza, hands clutching a 10 dollar bill, eyes lustfully staring at their pizza covered “with like…every topping…please.”
Do not fret, penniless youth of UCSB. I will show you the way to affordable dining. But be wary: the prices listed are pre-sales tax.
1. Blaze Pizza: Build Your Own ($8.45)
Give a man a pizza, and you feed him for a meal. Teach a man to take advantage of unlimited toppings, and you make him the target of death glares from the employees. And you feed him for two meals.
2. Hana Kitchen: Mini Chicken Bowl ($4.86)
The secret to getting a full meal here is taking advantage of their buffet-style condiment bar. The five dollars you’re paying for that mini chicken bowl will partially supplant your hunger. Let the spicy cucumbers do the rest.
3. El Sitio: Daily Taco Special ($6.00)
This is what you get: three tacos, rice, beans. Your choice of meat. And since the restaurant is never too packed, you’re also allowed a nice, safe space to cry about how broke you are.
4. The Habit Burger Grill: Charburger ($3.25)
Pros: Ridiculously cheap, tasty, consistent, and is prepared fairly quickly. Cons: From the front patio, you can see all the banks you owe money to. At least you can experience a slice of the bougie life by adding avocado for just a dollar.
5. Naan Stop: Vegetarian Rice Bowl ($5.45)
For those familiar with authentic Indian cuisine, don’t stop at Naan Stop. For regular folks, go for it! And for those who spent their food allowance on Coachella tickets, get a rice bowl with a vegetarian side like saag paneer. I know you want meat, but that menu item requires an extra dollar that you don’t have. And that’s completely your fault; you chose PLUR over regular meals.
I hope this guide helps out the ones out there who have genuine financial problems. The rest of y’all, like those who pitched in 20 bucks for a massive rager on their parent-funded oceanside property, look out for my next article, tentatively titled: “Five Reasons Why the Future, Depressed You Will Regret the Irresponsible Actions You Made In College.”