Tbh, there’s nothing I love more than watching women pour their hearts out on television. So then, when they they’re eventually kicked off the show, they have a substantial fan base to kickstart their Instagram career. From diet drinks to candy to dog food, ex-bachelor contestants know their way around advertising foods. But do they know what food they really are?
Alexis: Shark Gummies
Remember Alexis? The girl who showed up in a shark costume but thought she was a Dolphin. Yeah that’s her. She clearly has a love for seafood, but she isn’t that hungry so she’ll just have one Mahi, not both Mahi-Mahis (The House Bunny anyone?). Alexis is a gummy shark because you’d probably only pick her if the store is out of Swedish Fish.
Christen: Cookie Dough
Christen is the cookie dough you start to make but then don’t just so you can eat it at night while you spill your secrets to your friends. Like when Liz only told Christen that she and Nick hooked up at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Luckily, like cookie dough, Christen always keeps your secrets.
Corrine: Lobster
Corrine is clearly lobster. Not a lobster roll though, like straight up lobster. She thinks she is above everyone and tries to claw her way to the top by interrupting every girl while they are talking to Nick. Corrine still has a nanny who takes care of her at 23, so if that doesn’t say “stuck up” I’m not sure what does. Like a lobster, Corrine needs to be handled with care. (Although I’m pretty sure she doesn’t need to be buttered and cracked open to eat.)
Danielle M.: Apple Pie
Danielle M. might actually be on the show for the right reasons. She seems really genuine and sweet, like a classic apple pie. She just happens to also be from Nick’s home town, so she probably knows the way to his heart. She’s light and flaky on the outside, but I’m not 100% sure that she is filled with apples inside.
Liz: Mayonaise
You know how you never really ask for mayo but it’s always there? Like you don’t want it on your sandwich because its gross and annoying and it won’t stop talking about how it slept with Nick before it came on the show. You just can’t get rid of it until finally the two of you are alone and you realize you just have to throw it out now, in the middle of the date, I mean in the middle of making your sandwich.
Rachel: Green Juice
Rachel got the first impression rose, which is like, a huge deal. Similar to green juice, Rachel started off really strong, wowing everyone. It’s debatable if we are still impressed by her and if we think she’s healthy, but we aren’t getting rid of her yet.
Raven: Buttermilk Biscuits
Raven’s southern accent makes me instantly think of biscuits and I can’t exactly explain why. She seems very genuine and reliable, like she will always be there for you no matter what. Kind of similar to a biscuit at Cracker Barrel, warm, soft and always there.
Taylor: Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
You don’t expect hot Cheetos to be spicy. You think they’re just plain Cheetos that are red, but nope. They’re really spicy. Taylor is like this because at first you’re think ing she’s a nice girl, who like all other nice girls let Corrine take advantage by interrupting her time with Nick. But then BAM she reinterrupted Corrine (word curtesy of Corrine). She came in hot!
Vanessa: Soup
Vanesa is like soup because she is kind of mysterious. We don’t really know what she’s like yet from the surface. Like soup, you can’t judge it from the outside. You need to take a few bites and figure out what it’s made of before you can really know what is going on.