Choosing a candidate is hard, especially when there are so many to choose from. If you’re like many Americans, you don’t really have the time to (or care to) sit down and go through the candidates one by one.
Vegetables are very much like presidential candidates – they promise you things and are supposed to be good for society. Sometimes you love them. Sometimes you hate them. The two were destined to be paired. So I give you the best way to pick your nominee.
Ted Cruz: Asparagus
Photo by Maggie Gorman
The vegetable you love to hate. It tastes good, then your pee smells…for like, a really long time. It’s not fashionable, and old people really like it. Plot twist: this vegetable bears a striking resemblance to Kevin from The Office. I’m wondering how that asparagus managed to patch up that bald spot. Check out this healthy asparagus recipe.
Gif courtesy of freerepublic.com
Ben Carson: Sweet Potato With a Face
Photo courtesy of forkableblog.com
What a perfect doppelgänger. Is the potato sleeping? Is it awake? Nobody knows. Is Ben Carson joking? Is he not? Has he figured out where Syria is yet? Someone turn this potato into french fries because everyone knows sweet potato fries are better than regular. Check out this sweet recipe.
Gif courtesy of giphy.com
Bernie Sanders: Brussels Sprouts
Photo by Maggie Gorman
Most would call them an old-fashioned vegetable, but surprisingly Brussels sprouts are making a comeback; millennials think they’re super trendy. They taste better now that they’re seasoned and caramelized, like in this recipe. That being said, they are still old and wrinkly, and a lot of people are saying they’ll expire by 2017.
Gif courtesy of tumblr.com
Hillary Clinton: Broccoli
Photo by Alia Wilhelm
Seems green. Seems healthy. But you don’t trust the hair of the broccoli because you think it’s “full of secrets.” This vegetable could make history, just make sure it stays away from your email. Here is an awesome broccoli recipe.
Gif courtesy of national.suntimes.com
Marco Rubio: Onion
Photo by Sarah Stettin
Some part of you thinks that everyone might enjoy eating onion. You’re surprised by the onion’s many layers… then you realize every layer is exactly the same. In the end, the onion plays dirty – it throws overhand when playing cornhole, so it can’t be trusted. But check out this onion recipe to make you feel better.
Gif courtesy of mashable.com
Donald Trump: Eggplant
Photo courtesy of popsugar.com
People that never eat vegetables all of the sudden love eggplants. It’s different from the other vegetables. It’s huuuuuuuuge. It’s inappropriate. It’s an emoji used for booty calling. Check out this recipe to cure your eggplant cravings.
Gif courtesy of bustle.com
John Kasich: Green Beans
Photo by Gabby Phi
They were on my plate, just hiding under the eggplant parm. I found the green beans, and I was like, “Oh yeah. I forgot about you.” Green beans are fine and nice, but they’re never at the forefront of anyone’s mind. Check out this green bean recipe that is far from forgettable.
Gif courtesy of trendygifs.net
Still unsure? Considering moving abroad? Go for it. No one blames you. Check this out before you go. Just make sure you make it back for Kanye 2020.