Last week, armed with Lactaid pills and a winning smile, I trekked across downtown Chicago for Crumbl Cookies. And, much like my first kiss, I give the experience a 6 out of 10. When I arrived on Michigan Avenue, I squeezed my way into the small store between families of tourists bundled within an inch of their life. I was simultaneously sweating from the heat of my coat and freezing from the chill coming through the store’s ever-opening front doors. That said, I was quickly distracted by the massive size of the cookies (each one is larger than my cat Harpo’s face, and he’s a chonky boi). I wanted to try their standard chocolate cookie as well as one of Crumbl’s signature frosting-covered cookies, so I went for the Milk Chocolate Chip and Mallo Creme cookie. I also purchased some for my friend Kemi, who loves Crumbl cookies much more than our friendship (I think it’s because I’m a terrible texter, but it might just be my personality).
Here’s a photo of Kemi demonstrating how to properly consume a Crumbl cookie.
Wait. What’s Crumbl Cookie again?
Crumbl Cookie is a chain cookie franchise started in 2017 that now has over 600 locations in the U.S. With around 200 cookies in rotation, each week offers new flavors to excite your salivary glands. The company’s famous among TikTokers for its ever-changing menu (and chilled pink frosted cookie). Each cookie costs $4.25, and the Milk Chocolate Chip cookie holds a permanent place on their menu. So, no worries for those adverse to frosting.
So, how do Crumbl Cookies actually taste?
Appearance
I must say that Crumbl receives full marks for appearance. These cookies are gorgeous sugar monstrosities and deserve to be photographed whenever possible. In fact, they may show up in my Hinge profile photos to give me a better shot in the dating pool. Please follow my advice and google search images of Crumbl cookies. They will delight your eyes, especially photos of the Strawberries N’ Cream cookie.
Taste
Keep in mind, my favorite cookies are Lofthouse Pink Frosted Sugar cookies, so I may be a questionable food source where taste is concerned. That said, I think I have a valuable opinion on Crumbl cookies. My tasting journey was off to a rocky start when I tried to consume an entire Mallo Creme cookie in one sitting. It was a humbling experience. The four points I deducted from my Crumbl rating are directly related to this agony and the two days I spent recovering in my bed.
However, with the Mallo Creme misery behind me, I took a different approach to the Milk Chocolate Chip. Instead of attempting to force an entire cookie on my digestive tract in one sitting, I ate the chocolate chip cookie in bite-size increments over several days. This allowed me to appreciate the Crumbl flavors without a sugar-induced migraine. The chocolate chips tasted like the candies in advent calendars, which brought the nostalgia on strong. I had the small sections with my morning coffee for a couple of days and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
With that in mind, I definitely wouldn’t recommend Crumbl cookies as a study snack, unless you plan on falling asleep instead of doing your homework. In my opinion, they are best eaten on days when you’re loafing around on your sofa reading detective novels.
Does Crumbl have dairy-free, gluten-free, and kosher options?
No, and when I asked the cashier with my usual journalistic fervor, she gave me little hope for the future. Currently, there are no plans from Crumbl to have more inclusive menu options. That said, you can make your own copycat Crumbl cookies at home, substituting ingredients for options that align with your dietary restrictions. There are tons dairy-free and gluten-free recipes online.
Keep your eye out for these Crumbl flavors
I searched through all the current flavors and picked three that will no doubt become my future favorites: Sugar ft. Mother’s Circus Animal, Blue Monster with Chips Ahoy, and Blue Raspberry with ICEE.