If you’re reading this, it most likely means you have fallen into the wonderfully made trap that is Stranger Things. Don’t worry, the rest of us stand with you in solidarity. WE NEED MORE EPISODES NETFLIX, DAMMIT. But until then we must survive, and this might help ease the withdrawals a little bit.
You’re standing in the grocery store and the need hits you, you need to see Steve or Nancy but you know it’s not acceptable to rewatch for the season for the fifth time. Well, I may have found a semi-satisfying solution: the characters reimagined as foods. Please enjoy and be prepared to go out, purchase these items, and hit “Start From Beginning” for the sixth time.
1. Eleven: Eggos
This was undoubtedly the hardest one to come up with. How on Earth did I think to pair these wonderful, simple morning delights with this mysterious young girl? Well, we all know that was the biggest load of sarcasm I could have dished on you. Eleven does what we all wish we could do in the grocery store, walk in with our heads held high, scoop some Eggo waffles and walk out like a pimp. She does have those powers that help her out, but I would like to think that we all have that confidence level within us right?
2. Steve: Natty Light
Where does one begin to explain this choice? When you look at Steve, you see this gorgeous man with beautiful hair and you just know he runs the school. We all start out thinking that he’s a good choice for Nancy—we were even cheering for them in the beginning (sorry girl)—which is how I feel like most people feel about good ole Natty Light. People think it’s a great idea to go for the standard douche beer, but honestly you should love yourself more than that people.
3. Nancy: Kale
Nancy, oh you sweet girl who just wants to be loved and to save her best friend. She’s the good girl that no one would ever suspect anything bad from, and she is also a little bit basic. Kale is the superfood that came out of nowhere and now people can’t get enough. Come on, when Jonathan and Nancy take on the monster, what a badass.
4. Dustin: PBR
Drum roll please. While I am not here to judge people on their choice of drink, food, or favorite character, Dustin is just as ironic as PBR. Such a solid guy, always there for his friends and willing to do whatever it takes to save Eleven and Will. In real life, he’s the goofiest person too, and I would highly recommend following him on Instagram because your heart will melt with all pictures of him with Eleven and Lucas.
5. Will: Chicken Fries
Will is a character we don’t know too much about besides that his friends and family adore him to death and the ENTIRE show was pretty much about saving him. Now, I’m sorry if I am being too literal here but…chicken fries. He comes back from the Upside Down and everyone couldn’t be happier. I would compare that reaction to when chicken fries came back to Burger King.
6. Joyce: Chicken and Waffles
This is one mama who is not going to be messed with. Watching Joyce deny that her Will was dead and that his body was fake was about as awkward as trying chicken and waffles for the first time. A combination that seemed so out of this world, but thank God for them because damn they are good. She is such a strong female, and to watch her never give up on her mother’s intuition was bomb AF.
7. Jonathan: Flan
Jonathan is that misunderstood character that you are turned off by in the beginning, but in the end you are drooling over him (or was that only me)? This sweet and savory treat is the perfect thing to eat when you are trying to channel your inner Jonathan. But just a piece of advice: I would steer clear of the creeping in the woods (it probably will turn people off).
8. Barb: Mac and Cheese
Barb is that best friend that would never let her girl make a dumb decision. Barb always had Nancy’s back, and now she’s gone and we need her back ASAP. Mac and Cheese is the go-to comfort food that always has your back when you’re feeling down and even when you forget about it for a little while, it welcomes you back with open arms. So please producers, bring Barb back.
9. Mike: Lasagna
This kid has some insanely different layers to him, which is why you should go treat yo’ self to lasagna. He can go from this sweet little boy to a total psycho and destroying Eleven’s fort in like half a second, but we still love him anyway. Then in the end we just have to watch him suffer without his woman, but at least he’s got his bro back, right?
10. Lucas: PB and J
What is to be said about Lucas? Well, without Lucas the group wouldn’t function, it would fall apart, he is the structure holding together the squad. Without the go-to sandwich that has gotten you through every stage of your life, where would you be? That first day of elementary school, those awkward days of middle school, midnight snacks in high school, and now every meal in college because you can’t afford anything else. We are very thankful for that constant structure in our lives.
11. Dr. Martin Brenner: Bran Muffin
To the man we love to hate, this one’s for you. The forever bland, dry, and seemingly disappointing bran muffin. You just kept coming back to take Eleven away from her new family after you forced her into using her powers for the good of science. Two letters for you: F-U.
12. The Monster: Spam
Do I really need to explain this? This thing we still don’t understand that is attracted to blood and took away Will and Barb and ruined our lives. But have you seen the fan theory of Eleven and the Monster? Might make you question yourself a little bit, but still going to say that the monster is as bad as Spam.
13. Hopper: Spinach
This man made us say “thank you” many times. He stood with Joyce and helped her find the truth about her son (kind of). Watching his character made your heart happy and spinach is good for heart health. He is tough yet sensitive, he made us want to be better people. Popeye taught us that spinach will help us grow into stronger people, so I would say that Hopper ate his fair share of this ish in his lifetime.
To all Stranger Things lovers out there, I would like to say hang in there. New episodes will come eventually, and our hearts will be filled again. Now as you go on with your regular life, you can think back on this list and remember those characters you love so much and know you’re channeling them through your food choices. To the producers of Stranger Things, thank you for providing us with something that makes saying goodbye so hard, but hello so beautiful.