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Lifestyle

Waiting for a Food Delivery, as Told by Squidward Tentacles

This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at U Mich chapter.

Good luck ordering food once you’re already hungry because that hunger is going to turn into hanger real quick. But, I hate to break it to you, the delivery guy isn’t going to come any faster if you look out the window every three minutes. Instead, try to distract yourself (if possible), and make yourself feel better by looking at someone who probably feels worse than you. Kick back, and let Squidward Tentacles tell you your struggle. I’m sure your frustration of waiting for a food delivery and his everyday struggles will be more than relatable.  

1. Placing your order

When you’ve never been happier in your life because you realize you’re going to have food and leftovers for days.  

2. Five minutes after you order

How dare they not have your food prepared yet? Do they not know who you are? You’re a hungry student  who generally lives off of ramen.  

3. When you hear your stomach growl

Maybe a little snack won’t hurt — it could be like an appetizer. You can’t eat a snack, but you must. Turns out, you have no snacks. Fantastic! 

4. When you are on high alert, waiting for the delivery man

Let’s be real, me going to the window is just me doing unnecessary exercise. The delivery man is not going to come any faster, but you still have hopes and dreams. 

5. Refreshing the tracker

You need to know the exact coordinates of where your food is at all times — even if your eyes cannot physically handle looking at a screen anymore. 

6. When you call the restaurant

You ask politely, “When will my order be here?”  And they say, “Soon.”  If only they knew you’re about to eat the phone you called them on. Soon isn’t soon enough.  

7. When they lie about the delivery time

You said you would be here at 8:45. It’s 8:46. Explain yourself.  

8. When you think the delivery guy got lost

Can you guys even read my address? Can you drive? Can you give me my food already?

9. When the hunger gets worse

You could have prepared a ten course meal within the time it is taking for the food to come, but it’s just too much effort.

10. When you think about all of things you would rather be doing than waiting for food

Anything is better than being hangry.  Literally bring on the homework, exams, and spiders if it comes with a side of fries.

11. When you accept that you probably just won’t get food

It’s fine, I’ll just die of starvation. No big deal.  

12. When the food finally arrives

Your dreams have come true. This is the moment you’ve been waiting 100 years for.

13. When you finally take the first bite of food

This is what heaven feels like. You’ve made it.

14. When you finish your food

Now that I ate, what do I have to look forward to in life? 

15. When you get hangry again

Damn, Squidward, back at it again with the delivery process.

Let’s face it, the delivery process gets the best of all of us, but keep your eyes on the prize. The food will eventually come, and hopefully, it will be worth the wait. 

Caffeine and sugar dependent