We all have needs. We all have urges. We all want to be loved. And when we're feelin' especially frisky, we all deserve to feed our carnal appetites with a highly seductive, food-related sex playlist.
Fellas, if you want to be the Bobby Flay of slay, grab some speakers and bump these tunes like you're the Iron Chef of Intercourse. Ladies, if you want to be the Paula Deen of obscene cuisine, press play and get cookin'. Just make sure you're sufficiently turned on (and the stove is sufficiently turned off) before retiring to the kitchen and firing up our sex playlist for a good-old-fashioned, gourmet get-down.
1. In the Kitchen by R. Kelly
R. Kelly is cringe-inducing as a human being, but goddamn, the dude knows how to make cutting up tomatoes and potatoes sound erotic. "In the Kitchen" is the consummate kitchen-centric sex anthem, so you'll be starting off on a high note. But don't worry, you're far from the climax.
Notable Lyrics: "Sex in the kitchen over by the stove/Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls"
2. The Recipe by Kendrick Lamar (feat. Dr. Dre)
This bonus track from good kid, m.A.A.d city isn't technically about food or sex, the Scoop Deville beat will totally get you in the mood. When Kendrick talks about the 3 Ws, just picture Waffles, Wheat, and Wendy's instead of Women, Weed, and Weather.
Notable Lyrics: "Eating pussy make appetite"
3. Honey by Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey sings that her boo's affection is "just like honey," but we know what she's really talking about: that nasty.
Notable Lyrics: "You know sugar never ever was so sweet"
4. Broccoli by D.R.A.M. (feat. Lil Yachty)
D.R.A.M.'s (probably) referencing marijuana in this ode to the edible green plant in the cabbage family with a large flowering head. Still, that shouldn't deter you from using it as the score for when you score.
Notable Lyrics: "I acquired taste for salmon on a bagel/With the capers on a square plate"
5. Bacon by Nick Jonas (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)
Nick Jonas may actually be singing about literal bacon in this Ty Dolla $ign-assisted jawn, and somehow, that makes it even more sizzlin'. There is, of course, a chance he's alluding to his man meat. And that's okay, too.
Notable Lyrics: "Feelin' like, aw shit, throw some bacon on it"
6. Birthday Cake by Rihanna
Turns out there aren't a lot of main course foods that musicians get down to. You're just gonna have to have dessert for dinner cuz you naughty.
Notable Lyrics: "It's not even my birthday/But he wanna to lick the icing off"
7. Truffle Butter by Nicki Minaj (feat. Drake & Lil Wayne)
While "Truffle Butter" is actually meant as symbol for luxury, most people think it's an innuendo for...well...butt stuff. Whatever you're into, the lyrical ménage à trois of Nicki, Drizzy, and Weezy won't do you wrong as you do someone right.
Notable Lyrics: "Whoop! Talkin' filets with the truffle butter/Fresh sheets and towels, man she gotta love it"
8. Candy Licker by Martin Sease
Let's throw it back, shall we? Marvin Sease's tongue-in-cheek (or tongue-in-elsewhere) ode to candy licking is not very subtle, but you have to applaud the dude's tenacity. He begs to be his woman's resident Candy Licker "eight days a week." Now that's what we call "commitment." Oh yeah, and this song is ten minutes long because of course it's ten minutes long.
Notable Lyrics: "I wanna be your Candy Licker, girl/Let me lick you up, let me lick you down/Turn around baby, let me lick you all around"
9. Candy Shop by 50 Cent (feat. Olivia)
So seductive. Along with Akon's "Smack Dat," this is an undeniable grinding-uncomfortably-at-your-middle-school-dance anthem. Fun fact: they're not talking about a literal candy shop in this song. They're actually talking about sex! Who knew?!
Notable Lyrics: "Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor/Have your friends teasing you about how sprung I got you"
10. Cherry Pie by Warrant
Let's take a second to reflect that some of your friends, or even you yourself, might have been conceived to such a ridiculous song. Let the first verse get you all hot and bothered:
"Swingin' on the front porch/Swingin' on the lawn/Swingin' where we want/Cause there ain't nobody home/Swingin' to the left/And swingin' to the right/If I think about baseball/I'll swing all night yea."
That is a LOT of swingin'. Warrant is messing around. Also, what's more arousing than thinking about baseball?
Notable Lyrics: "Swingin' in there cause she wanted me to feed her/So I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater"
11. Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday
"Chocolate Rain" is almost definitely not about sex. But it's nearly impossible that it doesn't turn you on and it most certainly belongs on your sex playlist. Right? Just me?
Notable Lyrics: "Chocolate Rain/Forecast to be falling yesterday"
12. Milkshake by Kelis
Although Kelis has reportedly never consumed an actual milkshake in her life, she's been very successful over the years luring boys to her yard using only her milkshake. Still, I don't understand why she would "warm it up." Wouldn't that just melt your milkshake, Kelis?
Notable Lyrics: "You must maintain your charm/Same time maintain your halo/Just get the perfect blend"
13. Peaches And Cream by 112
If you're trying to embarrass yourself at karaoke, queue up this jam. But if you're trying to impress your lady, cut up some fruit, grab the Reddi Whip, and do a little sexy dance for your significant other (I might recommend awkwardly alternating thumbs up and bending your knees, but to each their own). "Know what I mean, peaches and cream?" Yes, 112. We know exactly what you mean.
Notable Lyrics: "And when it comes to eating peaches, shorty we don't play/So all the ladies in the house if your peach the shit/Put your hands in the air represent your clique"
14. Cavities by Flynt Flossy (feat. Pretty Raheem and Whatchyamacallit)
Flynt Flossy, DDS, knows that if you have too much of a sweet tooth, you might get cavities (especially if you've "got all dis chocolate in your mouth"). Tooth decay has never sounded so downright sensual.
Notable Lyrics: "My nickname Willy Wonka/That's right the Candyman (baby)/I want to freak it beat it eat it like some candied yams"
15. "Coffee (F***ing)" by Miguel
What Miguel lacks in subtlety (did he really need to spell it out in parentheses for us), he makes up for in smooth, morning-sex sonic vibes.
Notable Lyrics: "Coffee in the morning/I don't wanna wake you/I just wanna watch you sleep/It's the smell of your hair and it's the way that we feel/I've never felt comfortable like this"