Here’s my State of the Union: I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago, work 19 hours a week, and I'm technically an accounting major, although I don’t want to be an accountant (hence, mid-youth crises). As a girl who stress starves and can’t find one second to "just chill for a sec," eating normally has proven difficult the last 21 days.
When Blaze pizza has lost its appeal, you know something is wrong. However, it’s not impossible to jump off the deep end and maintain a smidge of health. People and relationships are temporary mush, but a Whirlpool refrigerator is always there for you. Here are a few tips to let insanity run wild on a filled stomach.
Pack lunches the night before
It’s like being in elementary school again, except you're the one making a pb&j, not your mother. When it's midnight and my brain is blurred with reversing entries and income statements, packing my Vera Bradley lunchbox is the last thing I want to do.
However, it makes mornings less stressful, and I can focus on drawing my eyeliner instead of cutting off crusts. Prepacking lunches also leads to a more balanced meal – instead of reaching for a hasty oatmeal crème pie, I’m more likely to grab carrots or Greek yogurt.
Master eating between classes and work
I’m that weirdo eating a bag of loose granola on the way to class. My accounting class and where I work (The Stephen C. O’Connell Center) are on opposite sides of campus, so I’ve got a hot 15 minutes of sweating, fast-walking, and Nature Valley.
I don’t want to be that bitch with the loud chips in the classroom or office, so mastering on-the-go eating is a must.
Only exercise if you’ve eaten enough
This isn’t a healthy eating tip, but it’s important for your overall well-being. For me, classic signs of stress are canker sores, bitchiness, and an itch to sprint a few miles. However, when I’m running on dark chocolate and one solid meal a day, my body can’t keep up with the low fuel.
Eating healthy means eating enough and not overdoing it, so even if exercising is your relief, sometimes you gotta take the L and watch a Wes Anderson film instead.
Make grocery store runs a ritual
Take "Where Shopping is a Pleasure" to a whole new level. Publix shouldn’t just be a pleasure, it should be lifestyle. Cherish those strolls down the fruit aisle; those trysts with the tied-up lobsters; those glances at the hot stocker boy.
Buying food won’t be a chore; it’ll be a ceremony where healthy food is purchased instead of convenient junk food. My Publix (or other grocery store) days are Sundays, and even when I have no appetite, I go for my daily allowance of peaches and yogurt.
Eat a big ass breakfast
I wake up 15 minutes early to cozy up with blueberries, reduced-fat milk, and English muffins – “bigass” compared to my normal bowl of Kix. My stomach and alarm clock might be complaining, but it’s better than feeling weak and doozy all morning. Going through the motions of toasting and dish-washing also calms me down in a June Cleaver-way.
Nothing in my life is under my control right now except the cleanliness of my dishes and how much Biscoff spread I slather on my muffin. My peace of mind is loading, but I'll need a few more breakfasts to feel 100 percent again.
Don’t overload on sweets because you “deserve” it
I know how hard denying a cookies n’ cream milkshake at Chick-fil-A is. Although it's orgasmic and sweet in the moment, I end up feeling like Violet from Willy Wonka afterwards. I’ve also learned that drowning your emotions in oatmeal crème pies isn’t healthy, even if they're the only comforting thing in your apartment.
However, you don’t “deserve” sweets, you deserve happiness, fulfillment, and guys who treat you right. Do your body a favor and reach for carrots and hummus instead; you’ll feel better about yourself later.
Limit your alcohol consumption
I’m the first to pour a gin and tonic when I’m unhappy. However, I’ve realized that forgetting my problems “on the rocks” is a shitty way to slog through emotions. It only heightens unhappiness and makes emotions piercing and exaggerated.
After a long day creating travel budgets and studying the Statement of Retained Earnings, one Yuengling is fine. It’s when one bottle becomes five that you’re dangerously close to becoming an untalented Hemingway, and it gets sketchy.
Being a balanced Superwoman is doable, especially if you’ve got a clear head and a satisfied stomach. Ditch the stress and the boys and the existential crises about Big 4 Accounting. Whip up avocado English Muffins or mint pesto instead. “Don’t let the bastards grind you down,” said Offred from "The Handmaid’s Tale," and she was right. Ultimately, your health is more important than temporary boys and busy-work classes.