Whoever came up with the idea of putting a dick in someone’s mouth was probably a guy. I don’t know why head is so appealing to some people and others shudder at the thought of teeth that close to their genitalia. But, here you are, giving head and wondering how on earth you got to this point in life.
Well, you’re not alone. Honestly I’m not sure how I got there sometimes either. But, there are some universal thoughts that go through your mind while you’re giving head. And some not so common thoughts. I digress, but the point is we all have thoughts and eventually your mind just wanders.
What’s in my mouth?
“Why am I doing this?”
“When was the last time he shaved down here?”
“I hope he showered today.”
“He probably didn’t shower today. He’s gross. This is gross.”
“Is he going to return the favor? Probably not.”
“I wish he was as good at giving head as I am.” Quickly followed by: “I wish I could just give myself head.”
“When was the last time I didn’t fake an orgasm?”
And if he’s staring at you: “Please stop looking down at me, it’s weird.”
“How dumb do I look right now?”
Focusing on your technique
“Is it weird to makeout after this? Because I think so but, like, I can’t avoid it.”
“Did I play with his balls enough? I think so.”
“Yes, pulling my hair will definitely help me keep my momentum going, thanks so much.”
“Oh, now you’re just gonna push my head down and do it for me? K, cool.”
“Um, despite what you may like to think, I DO have a gag reflex.”
“And there it is…”
“Just trying not to puke in my mouth a little.”
“JK just did, but he didn’t notice so it’s chill.”
“I wonder if this feels good.”
“Am I even doing this right?”
Let your mind wander
“Oh my gosh I’m so bored.”
“What should I eat later? Should I invite him?”
“I wonder if Shake Shack is open.”
“What should I make for breakfast tomorrow? I dunno how hungover I’ll be.”
“How big is my tax return this year going to be?” (Okay, this is a little out there, but it’s actually something my friend thinks about)
“What am I gonna eat for dinner?”
“I wonder what it’s like to have a penis.”
“I’m thirsty and this isn’t helping.”
“Did I remember to lock the front door? Oh well, I’ll check after.”
“I think my order comes in tomorrow; I should really check the mail soon.”
“Do you think I can order Jimmy Johns right now?”
“I wonder how my exam went.”
“Why is Beyoncé still with Jay-Z? She’s so out of his league.”
Then you refocus on the task at hand
“Wait, he’s looking at me, I guess I need to focus again. This is weird.”
“It’s kinda salty…”
“I kind of hate how this feels in my mouth.”
“My jaw hurts so bad, ugh.”
“Can he please just finish already?”
“How much longer do I have to do this.”
“Ok, like five more seconds and I am so done.”
“Can you just cum already?”
“And there we go, thanks dude.”
If you’re a girl: “I wish I would have left my bra on.” And, if you’re a guy: “He better suck my dick too after this.”