In life, there are at least two things that everyone has to do. These two things are eating and going to jury duty. Not all foods will agree with you, but they can't be an excuse for missing jury duty. To ensure that you'll be present enough during jury duty to keep saying "I want to go home" or "I don't want to be here," here are 9 things to avoid eating before jury duty.
1. Beans.
There's a saying that my dad uses based off of his childhood, which goes as follows: "beans beans the magical fruit, the more that you eat, the more that you toot." He refers to tooting as farting, which can result in needing to use the bathroom more often than not.
Do yourself and everyone else a favor - avoid beans before jury duty. Nobody wants to smell your farts, or see that you're hiding out from serving by constantly going to the bathroom.
2. Coffee.
It's no secret that coffee makes you poop. The more time that you spend pooping during jury duty, the more the lawyers and everyone else will suspect that something's up. Just get your duty over with so you can go home peacefully and then tell your bed that you've missed it.
3. Nachos.
We all know that nachos are great. Just don't eat them before jury duty because they're not going to fill you up in order to function properly as you're serving. Based off of my jury duty experience, you don't want to show up hangry.
4. Water.
While water is great for keeping you hydrated, it also tends to cleanse your entire system, causing you to make several runs to the bathroom to poop. Needless to say, if this happens during jury duty, the lawyers will start wondering where you are. If you're pooping while you're supposed to be in the paneling room, you're screwed.
#SpoonTip: stay hydrated, but not too too hydrated.
5. Booze.
When at jury duty, you're going to want to be able to focus on what's happening so that you can go home. When you drink, it messes up how you think and might make you puke.
Let me tell you something - those bathrooms in jury duty are small, and unfit to have you crouching over the toilet to puke, repeatedly. Do yourself a favor and don't drink right before jury duty.
If you're going to drink before jury duty, control yourself.
6. Burrito.
As I say, "burritos are love, burritos are life." Although this is true, burritos simply are too filling (and filled with beans), which might upset your stomach or make you feel bloated during jury duty. You want to be as comfortable as possible.
7. Bantam Bagels.
While Bantam Bagels happen to be one of my favorite food groups, they often come in packs of two and are about $3 for a pack. They're really small and won't fill you up between the time that you eat them, and your lunch break.
8. Hot sauce.
If you're anything like me, you put hot sauce on almost anything including dumplings, omelettes, and all forms of burritos. Also, if you're anything like me, you know that hot sauce is spicy. Spicy foods make you poop a lot, and that's the last thing that you want to do during jury duty.
9. Any frappe from Starbucks.
Frappes are known to have a high amount of sugar in them. They're also cold (duh), so drinking them in a rush will give you some form of brain freeze. Also, because they're highly caloric, people tend to have them as a full meal. This doesn't offer the nutritional needs that your body requires to fully function.
When in jury duty, you'll want to be present, and comfortable. Also, you'll probably just want to go in, and get it done with as soon as possible to go home that much sooner. Avoid these items on this list beforehand and you'll be good to go.