Thanksgiving (AKA the greatest holiday ever) is a great time to be a college student. Coming home, seeing the three people from high school that you tolerate, and eating endless amounts of good food. However, the worst part about Thanksgiving dinner is all of the annoying questions that your relatives and friends will repeatedly ask you.
Here are the foods and drinks that will help you cope.
What’s your major?
Suggested Food: Turkey with Gravy. Wouldn’t it be great if I knew! The staple Thanksgiving food to go with the staple annoying question that you’ll be asked an unhealthy amount of times. A Thanksgiving without turkey is sad, which is what you’ll be when people’s response is, “Oh don’t worry, you have time to figure it out.” SURPRISE! You don’t. Figure your shit out. Know your major and don’t look like a rookie at Thanksgiving.
What do you want to do after graduation?
Suggested Food: Stuffing. Piles and piles of stuffing. Aww that’s sweet, you think I want to know what I want to do with my life. I’m glad you think so highly of me.
While remembering that you have no idea what direction your life is going, drown your sorrows in stuffing. You’ll be fine.
Who’s that boy in your Facebook pictures? He’s such a cutie!
Suggested Drink: A shot of Tequila. Nope. Just no. Abort mission. Get out while you can.
How come you never wear clothes when you go out?
Suggested Food: Eggnog. Eggnog is such a warm drink to have to distract you from how freezing you actually are when you don’t wear clothes. There is no smart way to answer this question. Get a head start on the second best holiday season by drinking this, and because it’s spiked you’ll become warm enough to get through the rest of the god-awful questions about to be thrown your way.
How come your cousin has a significant other and you don’t?
Suggested Food: Pumpkin Pie. Let me think about that annoying question while I stuff my face with the best holiday dessert. Do you really think I want to be bothered with this question right now? Thanksgiving is the time to come home and fake how exciting your college life is. But, no, we still get the constant reminder that we’re single during cuffing season. Stuff yourself, man. You deserve it.
Pro Tip!!!
Print out answers to these questions and hand them out when anyone asks you. Hit them hard with the handy dandy cheat sheet. Then you literally don’t have to make eye contact with anyone else all night, and you can keep your focus on your food. Which is really what Thanksgiving is all about, right?