**Disclaimer: This is based on what I think Tom Brady might order at Ann Arbor restaurants, but nothing is proven. His diet is super controversial and seemingly not based in science. Before you decide to follow his or any other fad diets, do plenty of your own research.
Tom Brady is the man, the legend, and perhaps the greatest football player of all time. Though it’s probably due to pure magic, some might speculate that his diet was an important player in his fifth Super Bowl win.
According to a Boston.com interview with Brady’s personal chef, his diet consists of 80% vegetables and whole grains, 20% lean meats, and that’s about it. No dairy, caffeine, white sugar, oil (besides olive and coconut oil), or MSG. Oh, and because this diet it so focused on an alkalized body, fruit, fungus, and nightshade produce are completely off limits.
Though you might not be a famous 39-year-old man of pure muscle, I know you might be a little envious of Tom, and you know what? Who says there can be only one GOAT? You’re almost there — you’re already in Ann Arbor, so you are currently about 50% Tom Brady. To finish your transformation, follow this two-week, Ann Arbor restaurant guide to feed you just as well as Brady’s personal chef does. Your Vince Lombardi Trophy is so close.
1. Afternoon Delight: Avocado Delight
CAUTION. Yes, pictured above is the amazing Avocado Delight, but being Tom Brady, you will not touch that tomato. Order this dish without the Swiss cheese and that forbidden, acidic nightshade tomato, and swap the English muffin for a couple slices of gluten free bread. You’re good to go.
2. Fred’s: Any Bowl
So, I’ve heard it through the grapevine that Brady loves bowls. Not just Superbowls, but also, like, bowls of food. Do you know what this means? Fred’s is basically the closest thing you’re going to get to Tom’s personal, home-cooked meals. Order the poke bowl, and maybe pull up a picture of the Brady fam on your phone to feel like you’re right at home?
3. Fleetwood Diner: Umm
I know it would be wayyyyy too overwhelming for your Tom Brady transformation if I told you that you had to give up your 2 am drunk food, but lucky for you, we have Fleetwood Dinner here in Ann Arbor.
Don’t skip out on those fun bar night memz with your pals. When y’all head for food at the end of the night, nothing will feel more refreshing than a big, classic, satisfying Fleetwood glass of cold water. Tom wouldn’t be tempted by that devil food, neither will you.
4. Sadako: The Dream Roll
Sushi is kind of the epitome of Tom’s diet — simply whole grains, vegetables, and lean meat, and what’s more? Tom’s chef has been super into making sushi for the fam lately, so with this meal, you’ll totally fit in.
Try the Dream Roll if you’d rather have cucumber wrapping on sushi than brown rice, or simply pick one of Sadako’s vegetable or fresh fish rolls with brown rice. Oh, and don’t forget, soy sauce is out, tamari is in. No room for gluten here.
5. Zingerman’s: Gluten-Free Bread
Basically every famous person who’s anyone seems to visit Zingerman’s when in AA, and you’re no exception. Because Tom stays away from gluten, you might find it hard to pass up that delicious, Jewish rye bread or those fudgy brownies.
Remember that you can ask for gluten-free bread, or make any sandwich into a salad. Just hold the cheese, omit those nightshade veggies, and BYOOO (bring your own olive oil) for dressing.
6. Revive: Build Your Own Salad
So, obvi you and Tom are both very busy people. I mean, he has press meetings, work trips, football practices, PR events, a family, and you have class. You’re not always going to have time to wait in that endless Zingerman’s line, but have no fear, Revive is here.
You could order the Farro with Roasted Vegetable & Kale salad without the eggplant, tomatoes, peppers, or dressing, but customizing your own salad would probably be easier. Pick your favorite veggies and lean protein, like chicken or shrimp, and do not forget to ask for it in a bowl.
7. Salad’s Up: The Fresh Prince Salad
Another quick, Tom-approved salad restaurant, Salad’s Up, is perfect for customizing your favorite flavors. The Fresh Prince salad with chicken, instead of the fruit, will undoubtedly fuel your next football practice.
8. Frita Batidos: Make it Light
Here we have another iconic Ann Arbor restaurant that is easily Tom-ified. You’re ordering the black bean, chicken, or fish Frita, making it light with romaine instead of a bun. Hold the mayo, but add avocado mash to add some flava, and leave the fries in the kitchen — you’re not about that potato inflammation.
9. Angelo’s: Egg White Omelet
I’m sure you’re getting the hang of this by now. When you get to a restaurant, simply ask yourself, “What would Tom do?” Let’s try Angelo’s together. Say it with me! Egg white omelet with onions, spinach, broccoli, and avocado.
10. Sava’s: More Bowls
Spoon Michigan already knows this from our epic food crawl, but Sava’s is so ideal for catering to large groups of people. So when the Patriots come to visit Ann Arbor, Sava’s can definitely accommodate. Try the Salmon Wild Rice Bowl or the Hippie Bowl. There’s tons of other options, but I can guarantee these bowls will be superb.
11. Juicy Kitchen: Baked Eggs
Remember, WWTD? The baked eggs are out of this world and don’t require any manipulations to make them Brady-friendly. The power bowl can definitely fill you up, too — just omit the mushrooms.
WARNING: Do NOT eat the strawberry in the side salad. Tom has never once eaten a strawberry, so you touch that and, honestly, all of this work was for nothing.
12. Dominick’s: Vodka Soda
Okay, are you getting bored with all of this healthy salad talk? Tom is basically a magic robot alien, but even he needs something to take the edge off once in a while. You can indulge with a drink here and there — maybe try a vodka soda? As his personal chef would say, sugar is the death of people, so this drink is the way to go.
13. Pizza House: Grilled Chicken Sandwich
Honestly, who goes to Pizza House after a night at Dom’s and orders that cheesy, gooey, satisfying feta bread anyway? Not you. You’d prefer the grilled chicken sandwich with no bun, no cheese, and no dressing.
Since you’re probably smelling that marinara sauce dripping down your friend’s fingers, I’ll let you in on a trick. Get your pizza fix by adding a tomato slice on your grilled chicken sandwich today, you won’t be able to taste the difference. Just know, that’s your only tomato for the month.
14. Babo: Pretty Much Anything
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re feeling a little less GOATish. I mean, you just came from Pizza House. Chances are high that some grease seeped into your pure body. Don’t worry, though, Babo is the perfect place for filling salads that will totally rebalance your alkaline levels.
Wow, sorry for fangirling right now, but I feel like I’m talking to Tom Brady. Congrats on getting through these two weeks, congrats on giving up coffee during midterm season, and congrats on being the GOAT. Now go get a milkshake, you earned it.