A “hot take” occurs when someone takes a stand on something popular or controversial. And in the food world, I have a lot of them. Here are some of my most controversial hot takes. Which ones can you agree with?
1. Ranch dressing doesn’t belong on anything. It’s gross. Ranch dressing is what parents of picky kids give so that kids learn to eat their veggies. Unless you’re under eight years old, take that cup of ranch off your plate.
2. Pineapple is the worst fruit. Is it a citrus? Is it a fleshy fruit? Neither. It’s just gross.
3. People who don’t eat the pizza crust are just preparing themselves to be victims of natural selection. The same can be said for people who scoop out the inside of a bagel.
4. If your eggs are properly seasoned, they don’t need ketchup. I never understood why people put ketchup on their eggs when there’s much more interesting spices and concoctions out there. Add some fresh herbs and a little pinch of salt, for heaven’s sake.
5. Soft pretzels are always better than hard pretzels. Thinking about going to the mall ALWAYS makes me crave Auntie Anne’s soft pretzel nugs. They’re warm, delicious, and so much more satisfying than the hard pretzels you buy in the bag.
6. Blueberry bagels are delicious. I stand by this decision. You just haven’t have any good blueberry bagels in your life if you think otherwise.
7. Hot dogs AND corn dogs are putrid. Because SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to wrap a crappy, tasteless, stick of processed garbage with a dough breading and fry it.
8. Round [veggie] sausages are ALWAYS better than linked sausages. Sausage casings are just nature’s plastic wrap.
9. Soft tortillas are better than hard taco shells. They’re more versatile and easier to hold than taco shells. Plus, they don’t break and shatter all over your plate. And, can you make burritos with taco shells? I didn’t think so.
10. Reese’s taste best when they aren’t in cup form (e.g., Reese’s eggs and Reese’s trees). I can’t believe people still stand by the original Reese’s when there are other products with better chocolate/PB ratios out there.
11. Burger buns are a distraction from the burger itself. Okay, hear me out on this one. Burger buns are simply too big for burgers- they obscure the taste of the burger and it’s toppings if you just bite into solid bun. Try using a lettuce wrap, or just a smaller bun, for your next cookout.
12. Creamy > chunky. When you buy “butter” does it have chunks in it? No. So why should peanut butter? Here’s another article in support of the creamy revolution.
13. Mustard is the best condiment. Mustard gives food flavor. Ketchup just gives an artificial sweetness while relish gives texture. A condiment should elevate the flavors already present in food, and mustard has the perfect level of salt and spice to do that.
14. Iced coffee will almost always remain superior to hot coffee. Is this just the New England in me (we drink iced coffee year ’round…)? Probably, but it doesn’t really matter. Cold coffee allows you to taste the bitterness and the flavorful notes of the beans themselves. Hot drip coffee tastes like dirty socks.
15. Seltzer is disgusting. La Croix is a marketing scam.