Introduction
1. The Early Kid
After a long day of adulting you just wanna curl up with some Hallowine, and watch Friends when the doorbell rings at 4:27PM. You open the door to a tiny smiling lion. Lets face it, the early kids are always the most adorable because they’re usually the youngest trick-or-treaters. As a result, they have to go earlier to make it home for their 7:00PM curfew. Generally early kids will only make it to five or six houses, and they chose yours, how special!
2. The Determined Kid
You know that house that has their blinds shut and porch lights off with absolutely no signs of life? These are the true haunted houses. Instead of skipping this house there is always the optimistic wonder women, or valiant Luke Skywalker that braves the dark houses because, “they know you’re in there.”
3. The Too Old “Kid”
Aren’t you Sharon from Starbucks that made my PSL this morning? Hey, I get it… why is there an age limit on free food and dressing up? That being said, we’ve had our turn, and have been bestowed the honour of making kids hyper and giving them cavities. This is a role I take very seriously so kindly get off my porch, and at least wear a costume, Sharon.
4. The Strategic Kid
Good things come to those who hustle. These kids have been preparing their Halloween strategy all year. Forget pillowcases, garbage bags maximize candy haul! These kids are seasoned, competitive trick-or-treaters. They’ve planned out their neighbourhood routes with an algorithm based on average length of driveway in proportion to rank of candy, and size of chocolate bar where x= amount of candy, and the limit does not exist!
5. Homemade Costume Kid
These costumes take effort, and should be rewarded accordingly. Give these kinds of trick or treaters extra packs of fuzzy peaches, or an extra chocolate bar for their hardworking parent or older sibling behind all the trips to Fabric land, and hours of sewing and gluing. I was always this kid just without the cute factor. I’ve been everything from gum under a table to the Sun Rype raisin box.
6. Canadian Winter Kid
If you’ve lived east of British Columbia this is the kind of trick or treater you were. I remember once being so excited to dress up as a princess, and to my horror there was a blizzard the night of Halloween. I ended up being a hulk princess with my swamp green snowsuit over my pretty blue dress. What are you being for Halloween this year? Probably the same as last year… cold.
7. The Matching Kid
*Cue voice that’s 8 octaves higher, jibberish, and wide eyes*
Insta dad, or insta mom just spent 10 minutes trying to get the perfect boomerang of their family donned in Star Wars attire. Picture this, mom and dad are Leia and Hans Solo accompanied by their mini storm troopers. You are overwhelmed with #goals and decide to give them the rest of the candy. Bonus points if they dressed their dog up as Yoda.
8. The Breakdown Kid
“I wanted to ring the doorbell,” “she got more than me,” “that house had bigger chocolate bars…” Tears are starting, sugar highs are wearing off, and its way past their bedtime. All of the sudden those mini storm troopers aren’t so adorable.
9. Take two kid
Ah the take two kid, synonymous with the “Grabby kid.” Just because this house didn’t put in effort for Halloween this year, and clearly didn’t define the serving size of what “two” means, doesn’t mean you should just dump the whole (usually small) bowl of candy into your bag!
10. The Late Kid/ Rings your doorbell at 11PM Kid
Sadly, the day after Halloween is not a national holiday so after 11:00PM Halloween is unofficially over, and there is no way I’m getting out of bed to answer the door. By 11PM the thought of people ringing the doorbell is honestly kind of a nightmare. After all, the late kid is guaranteed to be older, and not as cute as the early kid.
Conclusion
This concludes the kinds of boys and ghouls you’ll encounter this 31st of October. Happy Halloween from Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross!