I had an unhealthy relationship with my cafeteria. So much so that I am dumping him and going meal-planless next year. Either way, I decided to relive my year of vile eats, so we can all appreciate our home cooked meals or expensive restaurant checks during the summer.
1. Pizza
Hear me out before you call me crazy. I will not lay a finger on the thick crust, greasy, floppy-looking “pizza” that the school cafeteria serves. I’m sure you aren’t missing that either now that you’re home and getting authentic Italian slices again. I’ll take a fresh sliced tomato and buffalo mozzarella over mystery sauce and orange cheese any day.
2. Moldy Gluten Free Bread
As the cafeteria options often forget, some of us have dietary restrictions. I do not want to stick my hand into the bag of Udi’s gluten free bread and pull out moldy bread day after day just because the cafeteria lady forgets to switch out anything that isn’t the “soup of the day”. I end up losing my appetite, so don’t worry about me and my dietary restrictions, we’ll just skip lunch today.
3. Mystery Meat
Every meat in the cafeteria from beef to chicken has an eery white tint to it. Coming home to a fat piece of ribeye that is cooked medium rare is seriously a godsend.
4. Scrambled Eggs
The scrambled eggs at school are neon yellow. It is impossible even for the least observant person to not notice the lack of fluffiness in cafeteria eggs. I’ll just put it out there because no one else will say it—we know they’re made of a powder mixture, you’re not fooling anyone!
5. Easy Mac
Although I live off of any and all instant mac and cheese in my dorm room, I appreciate eliminating all these unnecessary calories when living at home. Easy mac is not a lifestyle or a meal as many of us college students often forget.
6. The Soda Machine
No, I wouldn’t normally pair every lunch and dinner with a soda. But, if the soda machine is so easily accessible and literally begging me to fill my cup with Coca-Cola rather than water, I’m gonna do it. Thank God I don’t have a soda machine in my kitchen at home.
7. Cultural Foods
I am a huge fan of cultural cuisines from Indian to Vietnamese. I think we can all agree, however, that no college cafeteria should attempt master the realm of spicy and taste-filled foods. Stick to soggy pasta and broccoli instead.
I am experiencing PTSD trying remember all the cafeteria foods that I had to survive off of for 8 months. My memories of the food I ate are small and stored in the deepest, darkest place in my brain. I will leave this article on number 7 because it is too painful to continue.