“Slut shaming.” Urban dictionary defines the term as “An unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she enjoys having sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity.” Normally I wouldn’t rely on Urban Dictionary for research but I think they hit the nail right on the head for this one.
Ironically, though, the term “slut shaming” in and of itself, is, in fact, slut shaming. It’s a little counterproductive to tell someone to stop judging someone while still referring to the person being judged with a derogatory term. But for the sake of objectivity, I will use the term “slut shaming” in this article until I can figure out a more appropriate term.
An article by Connor Howe for Spoon University was brought to my attention a few weeks ago. The article is called “Why We All Need to Stop Slut Shaming, According to a Guy.” Connor, my dude, I mean you no shade, but you missed a few pretty important points in this article.
Connor mentioned a friend of his who was nervous about looking too “slutty” in a specific shirt before going out. He then said that the root of this fear “starts with the boys who hear a girl is ‘easy’ and automatically prey on her as if she was a piece of meat.” He’s not wrong to address this, it’s a very common problem. But that’s not where it starts.
It starts in India where young girls are sometimes pulled out of school and forced to step into the line of prostitution to help support their families. They are often mocked by the rest of the world for not being educated.
It starts in Somalia where young girls are sometimes forced into “circumcision (more accurately known as “female genital mutilation” or FGM),” so that they don’t become too “loose.” The intention behind this is to make it more difficult for girls to have sex which hopefully will scare them into abstaining until marriage. FGM is extremely dangerous and degrading.
Slut shaming goes so much deeper than criticizing women for wearing revealing outfits. In the words of Joe Biden: “There is never, never, never cultural justification for dehumanizing another human being.”
But let’s go back to the subject at hand. “…girls can be mean. It’s often times I hear girls slut shaming other girls…”
No shit, bro. Guess what, boys can be pretty mean too. One time a guy told me that I’m “a solid 8 blonde, a solid 7 brunette.” But na, it’s girls who need a good stern talking to.
Next, Connor asked “Ladies, why are you putting each other down?” I don’t think it’s appropriate to accuse all of us ladies of slut shaming one another. Lots of us are taking a stand against slut shaming and other women’s issues. Lemme break it down for you: ladies putting each other down is a product of internalized misogyny.
Internalized misogyny is a fancy phrase that refers to women being exposed to men’s misogynistic rhetoric and behavior so much to the point where they start to believe that it’s true and warranted. It becomes embedded into their minds and it happens unconsciously. Basically, what I mean to say is, it’s men’s fault that ladies slut shame each other, 100%. Y’all started it.
I’m going to take a wild guess and say that no one put a gun to any woman’s head and demanded that she slut shame another woman, but men definitely created this phenomenon. So if I were a guy, I’d familiarize myself with my own gender’s crimes against humanity before I criticize the opposite one.
I feel like men (particularly white men) are constantly telling me what to do. I feel that way because it is that way. One time in high school a male teacher sent me home and gave me a Saturday detention for wearing a strapless dress. This happened while a boy in my class wore a T-shirt that read “Cool story babe, go make me a sandwich.” He wasn’t even chastised while an hour of my education was wasted. In a nutshell, I was told that my male classmates’ inability to focus due to my shoulders being exposed was valued more than my education. Those poor dudes probably failed 11th grade chem because of me.
One time a guy friend told me that “no woman under the age of 40 should cut their hair shorter than shoulder length” when I told him I might get a bob. I know that this article had nothing but good intentions. But it’s no exception. This article is the epitome of a white male thinking he knows better than women in terms of issues that we, actual women, have to deal with.
Disclaimer: if you are not a woman or a girl (CISgender or gender fluid), you have absolutely no right to act like you know what it’s like. What it feels like. What we have to go through. You’ll never have to live up to the standard of being sexy but not slutty. You’ll never be told that being delicate is more attractive than being strong. You’ll never be told that there is a maximum “socially acceptable body count” to never exceed. Chances are, you probably never will. Don’t pretend you get it. You aren’t fooling anyone.
Finally, Connor had the nerve to say that we put an end to slut shaming by not giving a shit. This claim is super off. Am I to sit back and do nothing while boys and men slut shame me for wearing a strapless dress? Am I to pretend it wasn’t humiliating when I was sent home to change and given a four hour detention for wearing a strapless dress? No sir, I am not.
The people who give any sort of shit are the reason we’ve made any progress at all. Giving a shit, my friend, is how we end slut shaming.
For suggestions, questions or hate mail contact spoonbama@gmail.com and I’ll get back you in three to five business days. Put “slut shaming” in the subject line.
Oh by the way, happy National Pancake and International Women’s Day.