This year’s Academy Awards is sure to be a spectacle like no other. With tons of critically lauded films coming out in 2016, competition for each golden statuette will be fierce. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll need some snacks to munch on to keep your nerves from getting too frazzled over who will win.
One of America’s favorite pastimes is the movies, so why not compare this year’s Oscar nominees to America’s favorite cookie? The flavors of Oreos are as varied and celebrated as this year’s Oscar nominees, so it only makes sense to compare the two.
Best Actor
Ryan Gosling–Chocolate Covered Strawberry
Hey girl, we heard you like snacks as romantic as Ryan Gosling. Can you think of any food more romantic than a chocolate covered strawberry? Ryan Gosling cemented his heartthrob status years ago in “The Notebook,” and now he is being nominated for an Oscar for playing another romantic lead in “La La Land.”
This cookie is sweet, luxurious, and will surely be a big hit with the ladies, much like Mr. Gosling himself. Be careful guys, Chocolate Strawberry Oreos (oops, I meant Ryan Gosling) are coming to steal yo girl.
Andrew Garfield–Reduced Fat
(Does this picture make my cookie look fat?) Jokes aside, Andrew Garfield’s turn as Desmond T. Doss in “Hacksaw Ridge” made him an Oscar nominee and the perfect selection for the Reduced Fat Oreo.
The real life Doss, who served in World War II, was a pacifist and an army medic. He didn’t want to hurt anybody, so the best choice was to pick a cookie that wouldn’t hurt your waistline. And, a doctor like Doss would probably get behind this Oreo more than the full fat version. Go ahead and indulge!
Best Actress
Natalie Portman–Oreo Thins
When you’ve been nominated for an Oscar for playing a woman as elegant as Jackie Kennedy, you need a cookie that’s as elegant to match. Natalie Portman’s performance in “Jackie” exudes all of the former First Lady’s best qualities.
And while Oreo Thins aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, we could totally see Mrs. Kennedy snacking on one or two (maybe even three) of these cookies in the White House. Ms. Portman on the other hand, can probably get away with eating some of the full sized versions, as she’s still eating for two!
Meryl Streep–Original
Okay, hear me out, hear me out. Everyone knows Meryl Streep is a living legend, so calling her an original Oreo doesn’t mean she’s basic. Like the original Oreo, this Oscar-winning actress is a classic.
Sure, every once in a while, a flavor comes out that’s really flashy, or just plain weird (looking at you, Swedish Fish Oreo), but at the end of the day, the original is always the one you come back to. Kind of like how the Academy keeps coming back to give Meryl Streep an Oscar.
Keep doing your thing Mer–you’ll always be America’s favorite.
Best Supporting Actor
Dev Patel–Birthday Cake
In his Oscar nominated role in “Lion,” Dev Patel plays a young trying to find his birth family in India. To me, home is where you grow up and where you celebrate all of your big life events–including birthdays!
And everyone knows that the best part of a birthday is birthday cake. This Oreo perfectly incorporates this celebratory treat, right down to the sprinkles. Plus, birthday cake is something that you can enjoy at any age…kind of like Dev Patel himself (the glow up is real)!
Best Supporting Actress
Octavia Spencer–Triple Double
Ever have one of those moments where you have a bunch of great snack options in front of you and can’t decide, so you just choose them all? Yeah, that’s how I think of Oscar-winner Octavia Spencer.
The woman can play sassy and sweet, funny and heartbreaking, and crazy and collected all in the same movie. And she’s doing just that in her newest movie “Hidden Figures.”
Just when you think you know what’s coming–bam! You get something totally different, but just as badass and amazing. Kind of like getting chocolate and vanilla creme in your Oreo.
Best Picture
“La La Land”–Banana Split
“La La Land” is nominated for a whopping 14 Oscar nominations this year. It’s bright, it’s colorful, it’s fun…and it’s also highly contested as to whether or not it deserves all of this press.
I saw “La La Land” over winter break with some friends and really enjoyed it. Some people would heartily disagree. This SNL skit even pokes fun at the controversy.
In this regard, “La La Land” reminds me of a banana split. Some people love it, some people hate it, but no matter what, it’ll pop up on a list of “classics” for years to come.
Arrival–S’mores
“Arrival” is about a linguist named Louise Banks, played by Amy Adams, who is attempting to make contact and communicate with a group of aliens who have just landed on Earth. This movie matches up perfectly with a S’mores Oreo!
It’s always a great time for star gazing (and UFO hunting) while at a campfire toasting marshmallows, the word “s’more” is an interesting linguistic creation in itself, and a S’mores Oreo, like “Arrival,” would be great in any language!
The Academy Awards might only roll around once a year, but Oreos are forever (God bless). Just remember, you can eat as many Oreos as your heart desires…but you can’t take a bite out of your favorite Oscar nominee.