Disclaimer: I hate Burnett's. Well, hate is probably a strong word considering that Burnett's has been my vodka brand of choice for my entire college career. However, it feels wrong to say that I like Burnett's considering it is the nastiest brand of vodka in the game.
Whatever, I digress. Burnett's. Where I go to school, Burnett's is present at every pregame, from the classic Citrus flavor (bearable) to Hot Cinnamon (dear God, it's bad). I decided to rank every flavor of Burnett's from worst to best to try and steer any brave soul who decides to take a risk and go for it.
40. Pumpkin Spice
Aside from Pumpkin Spice being pretty basic, I won't ever say no to a PSL. That being said, Pumpkin Spice Burnett's is the worst thing I've ever choked down. AVOID.
39. Maple Syrup
No. Just no. I've never found myself chowing down some pancakes and thought to myself, "I wish that I could take a shot of this maple syrup and get wasted." Even Buddy the Elf would find this flavor shameful.
38. Pear
Perhaps I'm biased, but pears have always freaked me out. Therefore, pear vodka freaks me out. I'm taking a hard pass on this one.
37. Sugar Cookie
I don't get why Burnett's tries to make dessert flavors a thing, but I refuse to buy into it. This flavor is syrupy-sweet in a way that makes you wish you were the designated driver.
36. Pomegranate
Back when pomegranate was a trendy food to eat (think the mid-2000s version of the avocado), Burnett's decided to capitalize. It's nasty. Game over.
35/34. Orange/Orange Cream
The idea of my vodka having some sort of "creamy" association makes me want to yak. Pass. The very existence of the orange cream flavor makes me hate the orange flavor, too.
33. Ruby Red Grapefruit
Again, it may be a personal thing, but grapefruits also freak me out. If you're going to have a citrus Burnett's, stick to "Citrus."
32. Cherry Limeade
I hate to break it to you, but these two flavors do NOT taste good together. End of story.
31. Grape
Artificial grape flavors incite feelings of nausea down to the very core of me. Grape vodka has me gagging before I even knock the shot glass back.
30. Cranberry
Cranberry vodka is only okay if you exclusively mix it with cranberry juice, and I'm just not willing to make that commitment.
29. Blue Raspberry
Ah, the ambiguous and fake "Blue Raspberry" flavor that neither tastes blue nor like raspberry. This flavor tastes like how nails on a chalkboard sounds.
28. Strawberry Banana
Strawberry Banana isn't necessarily bad, but it's one of these "what the heck do I chase this with?!" sort of thing. I would say your best bet is a smoothie, and if your best bet is a smoothie maybe just choose a different flavor.
27. Blackberry
Out of all of the berries (aside from fake blue raspberry), blackberries are my least favorite. Therefore, it's no surprise that I think blackberry Burnett's is underwhelming at best (really bad, at worst).
26. Watermelon
Someone once left Watermelon Burnett's at my house after a pregame and I decided to try a small sip. I immediately spat it out all over my counter and poured the rest down the drain.
25. Peach
The only issue I have with peach Burnett's is that it's unbearably saccharine-sweet. If you're into that, go for it.
24. Strawberry
It tastes like candy in like, the absolute worst way possible. I've never been able to look at strawberries the same knowing that they've been used in this travesty of a vodka.
23. Sour Apple
I already balk at taking shots (let's say I went a little overboard freshman year), and the fact that this makes me pucker even more than usual grosses me out.
22. Pineapple
Pineapple Burnett's is a fairly average flavor. It's neither good nor bad. Pro: It can really be mixed in any sort of juice. Con: It's pineapple-flavored vodka, so you really can't expect much.
21. Whipped Cream
I feel like there was a period of time where I enjoyed Pinnacle Whipped Cream vodka and this is pretty similar. I've outgrown the flavor because I realized there were better things out there, but I'll always have a soft spot for it.
20. Red Berry
Back at it again with the ambiguous flavor profile. You can pretty much mix this with anything and it will be fiiiiiiine. It's definitely a middle-of-the-road flavor.
19. Candy Cane
You're probably surprised that Candy Cane made it this far down the list, but I don't mind it. It's like a worse version of Peppermint Schnapps (think Peppermint Patty shots) but if you're trying to ball on a budget, it's not bad.
18. Mango
Meh. Out of all the different fruit-flavored Burnett's, it's okay. But, if I had the choice between mango and mango pineapple, I would always pick mango pineapple.
17. Blueberry
Through a series of random events, I once did a ziptie with blueberry Burnett's. It was surprisingly easy to down and even easier for it to come back up.
16. Vanilla
I'm a pretty huge fan of a Vanilla Coke (IDK, I'm weird, sue me) so a Vanilla Coke featuring Burnett's isn't really the same, but kind of.
15. Sweet Tea
Going to school in the south means that sweet tea is pretty much available anytime, anywhere. Sweet Tea Burnett's tastes pretty similar, but if you prefer your iced tea unsweetened, avoid at all costs.
14. Mango Pineapple
Like I was saying earlier, if you like mango and you like pineapple, I would go for the hybrid mango pineapple. As Hannah Montana once eloquently put it, "You get the best of both worlds."
13. Raspberry
I have friends who swear by raspberry. Though it's not my absolute favorite, I have found myself picking up a fifth for a little diversity in my vodka drinking.
12. Coconut
I'll admit it, I'm a total chick and love frozen drinks. Whatever. Coconut Burnett's tastes awesome as a rum substitute in a piña colada.
11. Hot Cinnamon
If you're a fan of Fireball, hot cinnamon is your friend. Though I can't drink a ton of this at one time, it's pretty delightful as a shot. It kicks you in the ass, but in a fun way.
10. Tropical Fruit
Tropical Fruit only betrayed me one time when I took so many shots that I started hysterically crying in my dorm room. Other than that, I've only had great times with this bad boy.
9. Pink Lemonade
Ah, pink lemonade. I have fond memories of this one. I was visiting my older brother at college for the first time when I was a mere sophomore in high school. It was the first shot I ever took (I'm tearing up just thinking about it).
8. Cherry Cola
A solid choice if you like drinking with Coke or Diet Coke. Make a mixed drink and be prepared to be wowed.
7/6/5. Lime, Limeade, & Cucumber Lime
I honestly can't tell the difference between these three, so they get to share a spot. I like a little lime Burnett's and cranberry juice. It's got a good zip and will get you lit.
4. Cherry
You may be thinking, "why is cherry ranked above cherry cola?" Well. Though they are pretty much equally as good, cherry can be mixed with more things. Therefore, it gets the higher ranking.
3. Fruit Punch
YAS. Fruit Punch is damn good. The aroma is enchanting (as enchanting as you can imagine) and the taste is delightful.
2. Lemonade
Vodka lemonades are one of the most refreshing alcoholic beverages out there. Though I don't necessarily like to rip shots of lemonade Burnett's, it quenches my thirst as a mixed drink.
1. Citrus
Early in college, I would exclusively drink citrus Burnett's. Hell, even now I drink citrus Burnett's more than I would like to admit. It is hands down the best flavor of Burnett's on the market. Everyone needs a little citrus Burnett's in their life.
Cool, so now that I've ranked every flavor of Burnett's, I hope that I am still considered for a job after I graduate from college. The point of this article is, with the exception of the top 10 flavors ranked, is that you're better off drinking literally anything else. Cheers.