I think it’s safe to say that at the very least, 2016 was a weird year. From celebrity drama (goodbye, Brangelina) to American politics (hello, Trump) to crazy internet trends, it’s been a whirlwind of an adventure that has left us with two burning questions: What could 2017 possibly bring our way after all of this madness? And what foods should we eat on New Year’s Eve to cope?
Unfortunately, I can’t answer the first question without a crystal ball, but I can still help you prepare for anything that 2017 might have in store. What better way to face the unknown than with food? Depending on the events that affected you the most this past year, here are the foods that will help you ring in the new one.
If you were confused by Taylor Swift
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling devastated that Taylor called things off with Calvin Harris this year. Many of us who were convinced that he was the one are only left with questions for Taylor, like why Tom Hiddleston? The only thing to do in a time like this is to pour one out for the fallen homie (Calvin) and refill that cup with a snack as complex as our girl Tay: a fancy parfait. From the Kim K. drama to the boyfriend drama, we may not understand all of Taylor’s layers, but we’ll always be ready for more.
If you fell in love with memes
If you found memes to be far too relatable these past few months, then put on your best sparkly dress or tux and treat yourself to an extravagant gourmet sushi feast this New Year’s Eve. You are clearly a diva with as big of an attitude problem as Arthur and as much inner turmoil as a muppet—you deserve to splurge.
If you were upset by the election
No matter your political leanings, you were probably thrown off by this year’s presidential election—if not by Trump’s constant Tweet storm or the inaccurate election pollsters, then at least by the recently reported interference by Russia. To cope with our rapidly devolving political system, throw on some sweatpants, kick back on the couch and welcome 2017 with some good ole’ American cheese spray. Put it on some crackers for a low-effort snack that lets you sit back, relax and tune in to the latest political drama.
If Harambe’s fate constantly haunted you
The news of a young boy falling into gorilla Harambe’s enclosure probably made its way onto your Facebook newsfeed at some point this year. Whether you couldn’t stop making Harambe jokes all summer long, or you couldn’t understand how people found the death of a gorilla to be funny, banana bread is what you should eat on New Year’s Eve in honor of our favorite primate friend—gone, but certainly never forgotten.
If Pokemon Go was more important than reality
If you wasted precious minutes, hours, days or even months of your life this year on Pokemon Go, you should refocus yourself this New Year’s Eve with an energizing smoothie. The new year is the perfect time to work on yourself, and perhaps after getting in some protein and vitamins from that smoothie, plan a real-life scavenger hunt with friends. 2017 is the time to get reintegrated with the mundaneness of reality.
If you were conflicted about eating Chipotle
If you were heartbroken that Chipotle was making its customers sick early this year, you don’t have to hold yourself back any longer. Now that Chipotle has been deemed safe to eat again, celebrate this New Year’s Eve with a hefty burrito bowl chock full of rice, beans and cheese galore. This is also the time to splurge on the Chipotle guac—you already know it’s extra, but you also know it’s so worth it.
If Kim and Kanye caused you constant stress
The Kardashian-West family went through so much this year (like when Kim got robbed in Paris, for one thing) that it was hard not to worry about them all day, every day. That amount of stress can take a toll, so in order to relax and bring on the good vibes, eat some cheese fondue this New Year’s Eve. Cheese is a classic comfort food that will soothe any worried mind, and it happens to be one of Kim’s favorite guilty pleasures, too. In fondue form, it doubles as a New Year’s treat as extravagant as Kim and Kanye themselves.
Here’s to starting off the new year with a full stomach. Let’s hope that 2017 brings us some political stability, a ton of new celebrity gossip and, of course, a host of delicious, Instagram-worthy food trends.