Are you single? Are you looking forward to Valentine’s Day? YES is the correct answer to both unless you’re in a relationship.
Why? Because Valentine’s Day is really YOU Day when you’re single. You spend so much time being awesome every other day of the year, it’s time you took a break and took care of yourself for once. Thus, here is this recipe for your day and recipe for recipes to enjoy as you celebrate being single and loving yourself and your friends this Valentine’s Day!
Even if you’re in a relationship, you can use this guide to shape your day to be amazing, but this is really a shout out to my single ladies and bros who better be HYPED for this.
Before 10 am
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If you’re awake and it’s any time before 10 am, go the fuck back to bed. Every queen needs her beauty rest (male or female).
Hopefully no creepy rando’ finds his way into your house and tries to kiss you when all you’re trying to do is sleep.
10 am
Is it 10 am now? Ok, great! Brush your teeth and treat yourself to ice cream. Yeah, you get to start your day with ice cream.
Straight up ballin’
Photo courtesy of knowyourmeme.com
If you don’t have your favorite ice cream already in your fridge (which you need to remedy IMMEDIATELY) or are feeling like having a special treat, here is this perfect recipe for a bomb ice cream flavor combination:
Berry, Nutella, & Cookie Butter Ice Cream
Photo courtesy of Sarah Joh
1. Start with your ice cream base: Get some quality vanilla ice cream with streaks of vanilla bean OR try making this awesome no-churn ice cream the day before.
2. Fresh berries! Try going with strawberries (cut up) and blackberries.
3. Get some cookie butter AND nutella – yup, this just got better than sex – to mix generously into your ice cream (but try not to overdo it because you still want that proper ice cream ratio, try around 1/4 cup of each for 2 cups of ice cream).
4. OPTIONS for added fun and love in a bowl: nuts, brownie bits, white/dark chocolate pieces, cacao nibs and/or other things your heart desires
Choose something crunchy to add great texture to this dessert – expert advice from watching lots of Food Network
5. Mix this all up like you’re a professional at ColdStone’s.
6. INDULGE!
7. Save the rest in your freezer, so you can take it out to eat while you have to scroll through all of the sappy couple Facebook photos post-Valentine’s Day.
11 am
Freshen up for your date with yourself and own every ground, walkway, and sidewalk like it’s your runway. You dress up to look good for yourself – no one else.
And blast your music that makes you feel fierce.
“[You’re] gonna dance to one song, and one song only: ‘Lady Humps’ … no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative … it gets the people going!”
– Chazz, Blades of Glory
Though, you may want to consider some other songs…
Sample playlist:
Beyonce – Flawless, Run the World, Diva • Britney Spears – My Prerogative, If U Seek Amy
AlunaGeorge – Attracting Flies • MØ – Walk This Way, Don’t Wanna Dance
Drake – Legend, HYFR • DJ Khaled – All I Do Is Win • Jay Z – Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Kendrick Lamar – i • Pharrell – Happy
12 pm
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Get your best friend who is also single and have yourself a Leslie Knope inspired Galentine’s / Palentine’s Day brunch. This means making these obligatory waffles recipes and having mountains of whipped cream. You can also try this awesome cinnamon rolls recipe.
If making food at 12 pm is just too hard right now, try visiting these LA brunch spots and fall in love again with food:
Maybe you won’t be able to give mosaic portraits or needlepoint pillows of each other as gifts, but you can settle for some obnoxious selfies, fun chatter, yummy food, and hugs.
2 pm
Photo courtesy of ask.fm/cararigsby
Chocolate
“Did you say chocolate? CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
You can buy a 1 lb bar of chocolate at Trader Joe’s. Or just get your favorite chocolate anywhere. You have several options, but there is a clear better choice here.
Assuming you chose the 1 lb of chocolate route, go ahead and just enjoy it straight – carving out pieces like Liz Lemon and her night cheese, except better.
Or try making:
Raspberry Hot Chocolate
Photo courtesy of epicure.com
Click here for a recipe or try this one below:
1. Heat 1 cup milk and 1/2 cup cream in a saucepan on low heat, continue to stir/whisk
2. Melt chocolate until you get the right consistency, 6-8 oz (your preference)
3. Remove from heat and stir in raspberry syrup – taste to determine how strong of a raspberry flavor you want
4. Serve topped with whipped cream or as it is!
Don’t like raspberry flavor? Try these other quick and easy hot chocolate upgrades!
3 pm
Pack a night bag because you’re checking into a fancy pants hotel for the one night getaway you needed.
The Hotel Bel-Air
Photo courtesy of dorchestercollection.com
Okay, maybe (probably) the Hotel Bel-Air is above your price range… but it’s so gorgeous! But a room for one night is also the price of your month’s rent… One can only dream. (Though, pro-tip: book for the day right after this Valentine’s Day / President’s Day weekend for serious cuts on prices and get a chance to experience being extravagantly posh).
Realistic Hotel Options
Photo courtesy of omnihotels.com
There are still beautiful hotels and much more affordable prices, such as the Omni Hotel, pictured above, in Los Angeles. It’s only $309 for one night 2/14 – 2/15 for 2 adults (you and your best friend) booked through their website. They also offer various packages that are great deals. For $373.50, the Retreat to Romance package offers a complimentary bottle of Chandon sparkling wine, free parking, $100 food and beverage credit (which you will be taking advantage of later), romantic turndown service (whatever that means), and late check out. Luxury for us normal plebeians.
Tips on choosing your hotels: use a third party online booking agency to mass check nice hotels for affordable prices. Then, visit the hotel’s website to check their pricing and packages. Bring your best friend and partner in crime, and you’ll be able to split the cost to keep within budget and have more fun that way!
Reserve quickly!
Now, you’re not going to be staying here for long. Just drop off your bags, roll around on your bed and kick around in excitement for 5 seconds, and get out of there! Trust me, you will have plenty of time to enjoy it later.
4:30 pm
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Movie and popcorn (classic) date night with your best friend.
Except instead of cute romance, expect raunchy humor. How to Be Single could not be a more perfect choice for watching a movie on Valentine’s Day as a single person, especially with Rebel Wilson teaching you the ins and outs of living life, hooking up, and breaking hearts. If you don’t believe me, please excuse yourself back to the blackhole that is your life. Here’s a second chance to change your mind – watch the trailer on Youtube.
Please make sure to check the movie times because they vary by theater and location.
With every movie, popcorn becomes more than just a snack. It’s a necessity for our cravings, for us to stuff down our food holes as we grow increasingly nervous with the suspense build-up of a movie, for keeping ourselves entertained and pre-occupied during previews, for us to throw at each other playfully in our immaturity, and for creating a sense of harmony in the matrimony of cinema, social buzzing, and the large bowl of freshly popped, buttery, warm popcorn with double squirts of butter in the center and at the top sitting on your lap. With that, here is a simple popcorn recipe idea that you may be tempted to sneak into the movie theater:
Cheesy Chivey Seasoned Popcorn
1. Prepare freshly grated parmesan cheese.
2. Chop chives and add to a small bowl with 3 tbsp olive oil. Whisk with a fork. Sprinkle in salt & pepper and whisk again. Set aside.
3. Lightly coat 1 cup popcorn kernels in 1 tsp olive oil and pop in a microwave using a brown paper bag folded down and stapled in the center.
4. Toss popped popcorn immediately with the parmesan in a large bowl.
5. Drizzle 2/3 of olive oil & chive mixture onto popcorn and toss again to distribute.
6. Drizzle last 1 tbsp of olive oil & chive mixture over popcorn.
7. Allow to cool for 3 mins or immediately attack voraciously.
7 pm
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Steak. (Wine). Bubble bath.
If Jerry can read a book while he bathes, you can eat a steak while you bathe.
This is your time to pamper yourself up back at the hotel. Order charcuterie to start, a 24 oz porterhouse medium rare, some cheese for your pre-dessert, and a crème brûlée to conclude, with wine pairings at each course. Song choice: Put Your Records On – Corinne Bailey Rae.
Alternatively, you could just go to the spa at the hotel and then eat dinner at the hotel restaurant with your bestie, but the former screams outrageously lavish and exorbitant luxury suited to the occasion.
If you did not elect to wine & dine yourself at some grandiose hotel, here is the perfect way to cook a buttery and beautiful medium rare steak:
Steak
1. Let your steak come to room temperature – about 20 mins
2. Season with salt and pepper on both sides and edges
3. Drizzle oil in a hot pan. When oil first starts to smoke, lay steak in the pan.
4. Sear 30 seconds , flip with tongs to repeat on the other side, and then sear once more on its edge where the fat runs. Lay back down on its side.
5. Add butter to pan. Then crushed garlic and sprigs of thyme. Flip steak for even cooking. As butter becomes hot and foams, tilt pan to spoon butter over steaks. Reduce heat if butter may start to burn.
6. Feel steak with your fingers to compare to the inside of your thumb to measure medium rare – there should be slight resistance.
7. Let steak rest for 5 mins.
8. Consume! – with a fork and knife, just a fork, your hands, or face (caution: hot)
9 pm
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Get ready for a night out like Beyonce:
“Pull out your freakum dress… soon as you saw me, turned on by how the dress was fitting right”
“Hot sauce in [your] bag, swag”
“Posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill”
“Say I look so good tonight, God damn, God damn”
“Ladies, let’s get in formation, cause I slay”
10 pm
Werk it.
Bar, club, hotel room party… tonight you get a pass on being a HOT mess and can dance like you’re auditioning for Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” music video.
Use these Valentine’s day inspired drinks recipes (cocktails and mocktails) for your own party or to pre-game before your night out.
Here are some cheesy pick-up lines to be adorably terrible at flirting:
- “I’m sorry I didn’t get you a box of chocolates for Valentine’s day, but if you want something sweet I’m right here.”
- “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I tell Cupid to shoot you with that arrow one more time?”
- “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
- “If I had to rate you from 1 to 10, I’d rate you as a 9 because I’m the 1 you’re missing.”
- “Here I am. Now, what are your other two wishes?”
Or a rendition of Beyonce advice:
“When [you] fuck me good, I [will] take [your] ass to Red Lobster”
– going home with whoever says this.
1 am
Obligatory celebratory jumping on the hotel bed.
No night or hotel stay is complete without jumping on your bed with a best friend! Throw on some music. I think Rednex’s “Cotton Eyed Joe” would really set the mood for you and your couple friends in the adjacent rooms. Other wonderful choices: Kim Kardashian “Jam,” LMFAO “Sexy and I Know It,” Psy “Gagnam Style,” AronChupa “Albatroz,” 2 Live Crew “Throw the dick,” and Yung Humma ft Flynt Flossy “Smang it.”
3 am
Photo courtesy of animalfair.com
PTFO. Goodnight!
Happy Valentine’s Day!