La-croy. La-krah. La-crocs. But please, not like the shoes. However you pronounce it, La Croix is the drink you know you’re sipping as you write your essays the night before they’re due. And just like we’ve all got our own personalities and majors, every La Croix flavor has something to bubble and fizz about to make it unique. But if they showed up to freshman orientation and tried to pick a major (before they changed it three times), which would they be? Let’s discuss.
1. Pamplemousse: History
Doesn’t the word “pamplemousse” make you want to take a stroll through the French Revolution or ponder whether or not Marie Antoinette actually said the fateful words “let them eat cake?” The French word for grapefruit, “Pamplemousse” is a flavor that sounds like it’s timeless. And with such a tart personality, it can help keep you cool when studying any heated period of history, whether it’s the Wars of the Roses or when Caesar crossed the Rubicon.
2. Pure: Marine Biology and Oceanography
It’s crisp. It’s clean. It disapproves of runoff sullying our beautiful bodies of water. The only unflavored sparkling water of its brand, “Pure” just wants to have a good time at the beach this summer and check swimming with dolphins off their bucket list without worrying about bags of chips polluting the waters at Santa Monica Pier, just like Marine Biology and Oceanography majors.
3. Lime: Music
Music is meant to put you in a good mood and set you grooving. Like smooth jazz, vibrant rock, or nonstop EDM, “Lime” has that tangy vibe that keeps the summer and the beats going all night long. Taking a sip of this bad boy is a totally natural tendency as you dance along to the music blaring from your earbuds as you walk across campus.
4. Lemon: Theater/Musical Theater
Bubbly, charming, and inviting, theater majors are performers to their core, and “Lemon” knows a thing or two about never disappointing a customer. Wonder why kids always sell lemonade to make money at their pop-up stands? Anyway, one sip of “Lemon” will simply bring out the brightness of the day and make you want to sing that “June is bustin’ out all over” as you do a jazz square.
5. Coconut: Genealogy
“Coconut” just wants to relax. Like when studying Genealogy, by the time you reach the end of your days as a college student or you’re a granny watching your wee kiddies drinking La Croix, you’ve got enough life experience to know that worrying isn’t worth it. Just crack open a coconut, put a straw in there, and slurp while lounging on a chaise chair. Or better yet, put a straw in a “Coconut” La Croix can, much less manual labor.
6. Orange: Math
Math is a fact-based discipline. No matter what, there’s always one right answer. Just like how you can expect “Orange” in some form to be a fixture at any morning brunch soirée, you can always rely on math to have a basic set of rules and stats you can follow and count on. I mean, how else did Cady Heron confidently assume that “the limit does not exist?”
7. Mango: Dance
“Mango” is the life of the party and knows how to make any event fun. Just like studying Dance, “Mango” wants to infuse movement and fluidity, especially in a tropical environment, into any dance or lecture hall to turn a boring endeavor into a fun time. Sometimes you’ve just got to bust a move, and “Mango” knows exactly how you feel.
8. Muré Pepino: Health/Human Biology
“Muré Pepino” has got that sweet sentiment of blackberry where it wants to help people through their problems but also those savory hints of cucumber to remind everyone that your health is serious business. Like Human Bio majors, “Muré Pepino” is the epitome of business in the front, party in the back. Just watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. They’ve got all the hectic drama and dire life circumstances that can make for savory aspects in the day, but once it’s all said and done, the sweet reward is that they’ve saved some lives. I’d call that a job well done, or drink well guzzled.
9. Berry: Cinematic Arts/Film
The “Berry” flavor brings to mind our beloved artists at heart who will argue with you over films till you’re blue in the face when you can’t choose which Before series film is superior. Come on, all of this deliberation over camera angles and music choices for underscore just puts your head so much in a flurry that you end up looking like Violet Beauregarde.
10. Cran-Raspberry: Communication
Communication may be jeered as a common major, but hey, media studies and learning how to communicate can be applied to everything, from writing to film to singing to theater to texting. It’s interdisciplinary, just like “Cran-Raspberry.” You can mix multiple flavors and disciplines together to make for a great product: aka a Comm graduate.
11. Apricot: International Relations
A friendly, dried-up fruit that just wants to see us all get along before the day is done, “Apricot” just wishes we could all eat a cake made out of rainbows and smiles. Like International Relations majors who might go onto summits at the UN one day, why not just sing “Kumbaya” with the world instead of causing strife? “Where is the love,” man?
12. Peach-Pear: Business
Usually P&P put together makes me think of Pride & Prejudice, but in this case, let’s go with another classic. “Peach-Pear” is a flavor combination that tastes so good, you can apply it to anything. Just like studying Business, this major can foray into all aspects of your life. Movie business, music business, starting your own business, studying the underpinnings of businesses while drinking a “Peach-Pear” will never steer you wrong.
13. Passionfruit: Creative Writing/English
When you write about something, it comes across as majorly lackluster if you’re not passionate about the subject. Obviously, the more you like something, the more interested you’ll be in covering it. Like all of us Spoonies, “Passionfruit” is a live-or-let-die flavor. You’ve got to live and breathe the stories you tell. If you don’t, they’ll fall flat. Just like the bubbles in your “Passionfruit” La Croix if you let the can sit out in the sun too long.
Corresponding to your major or not, any La Croix flavor is a happy addition to lounging poolside this summer. Grab a can (or two) and get sipping.