Tick tock, tick tock, the 2016 presidential election is approaching. For most of us this means trying to figure out how to work an absentee ballot, avoiding heated political discussions with our parents, and attempting to wrap our minds around the insanity that is this election. For all of us it means that we will have a new president in a matter of days. Regardless of who you’re voting for, there have been party-wide threats for a mass emigration to Canada post-election day.
If you’re in the pro-Canada boat, I’m here to help you out. Not only does Canada have a political system untouched by Trump or Hillary, but it also has bombass eats. So, if you’re questioning what on earth you will be snacking on if you hop over the border, I’m here to offer you some suggestions.
1. Butter tarts
These bad boys have me heading towards the border, election or not. In America, they’re harder to find than Trump’s tax returns, which is a travesty for our taste buds. Butter tarts are basically sugar and butter cocooned in a pastry dough, so what’s not to like?
2. Poutine
Can I get a heck yes? In Canada, you don’t have to make the tough decisions. You can get french fries, gravy, and cheese curds all on one plate. Sorry if this makes deciding between the two candidates more painful.
3. Maple-flavored anything
I don’t know about you, but I often find myself questioning why we don’t slather everything in maple syrup. Canada seems to have taken a page out of Buddy the Elf’s book and makes almost everything in a maple flavor. A couple of my personal favorites include maple fudge or just straight maple sugar candy. Buddy the Elf is my write-in candidate.
4. Coffee Crisp
It’s like a Kit Kat and tiramisu had a child. The chocolate coffee goodness is wrapped up in crispy wafer layers so thick that you could probably hide an email in there.
5. Bloody Ceasers
Everything America does, Canada does better — in both alcohol and commanders in chief. This drank is very similar to a Bloody Mary, but instead of tomato juice, Canada uses clamato (clam and tomato) juice. Do not fear, the clam isn’t fishy and adds a nice umami flavor that you can’t get anywhere else.
6. Ketchup Chips
If you don’t like ketchup, I don’t trust you. Per usual, the Canadian genius comes in clutch and combines the magic that is ketchup with the bliss that is a bag of potato chips.
7. Tim Horton’s Double Double
Coffee with double the cream, double the sugar, and double the yum. I know some of those presidential debates left a bad taste in your mouth, so drive north, go to Tim Hortons, and sweeten up.
I know all of these foods have you google searching “How do I get a Canadian visa?” But, immigration is easier said than done. With this in mind, remember that four years is a long time, so go out, vote your conscience, and change your google search to “How do I make butter tarts at home?” Hopefully, baking will help you survive whatever the impending presidency brings. Let’s do this America.