Chipotle’s assembly line of fatty steak, rubbery chicken, over-peppered vegetables and guacamole filled with onions is a favorite among most people for reasons I could never understand. I could go on and on about my disappointing burrito experiences. If you couldn’t tell, I hate Chipotle, and no, it is not because I’m scared of E. coli.
Unlike what seems to be 99.999 percent of the United States, who are beyond obsessed with the beloved Mexican chain, I hate the place my friends endearingly nicknamed “-otle.” I know that most of you are going to exit out of this article right now, but hear me out.
I’ve gone to Chipotle with friends, family and by myself, each time trying to discover the magical mix of rice, beans, vegetables, meat, salsa, cheese and guac that will make me fall in love and never want to eat anything else again. But it just hasn’t happened.
There’s something about taking a spoonful of my burrito bowl that feels a bit like rolling the dice. Am I going to bite into a fatty piece of steak, a potent red onion, or best case scenario, a spoonful of mostly guac?
I actually think that there may be some sort of secret trick to Chipotle ordering that I am not in on. Everyone seems to be able to order the perfect bowl or burrito, except me.
Every time I bite into my burrito I’m unimpressed, ready to throw it out and get something different for dinner. I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not a picky eater. I’ve tried every Chipotle meat with varying combinations of toppings, desperate to find my perfect bowl. Despite my many, many failed attempts my Chipotle experience usually remains disappointing.
If I have been doing something wrong or you have any Chipotle ordering tips, please let me know. My friends are definitely starting to get annoyed that I refuse to eat dinner at Chipotle with them because like the rest of the world, it’s one of their go-to dinner places.
For now though, when I’m forced to go I’ll stick to ordering a large cheese quesadilla.