With 13 seasons of The Bachelorette we have experienced all sorts of women grace our television screens in search for love. This season Rachel Lindsay, a fan favorite from Nick’s season, is hear to “keep it real”. Rachel is hands down the best bachelorette to ever grace our television screens every Monday night. She’s smart, funny and beautiful, just to name a few of her good qualities. Definitely girl crush material.
With someone as amazing as Rachel, these guys better bring their A game. After seeing the first couple of episodes, there are definitely a good mixture of bachelors in the bunch. I summed up some of bachelor nations favorite (and least favorite) contestants into what food they would be.
Brady: Nachos
Brady was one of the many models on this season. I mean, look at those abs. I want to lick them. He’s like a nice, hot basket of nachos because you can put anything on that man and it will look good. I’m drooling. Unfortunately, good looks weren’t enough to keep Brady around long.
Peter: Spaghetti
Peter is definitely a front-runner. There’s no doubt that he and Rachel hit it off right away. As one of my favorite contestants, he gets one of my favorite foods, spaghetti. There’s something that is so romantic and sensual, yet practical about the pasta dish, same with Peter. He’s like a delicious plate of carbs, and today is my cheat day.
Blake: Stale Pretzel
Blake is one of those guys that I just don’t like. From the beginning I found myself rolling my eyes at everything he said. His saltiness towards Lucas lead to him not receiving a rose, which is why Blake is a stale stadium pretzel. While behind the counter they have a sexual allure to them, smothered in butter and sprinkled with salt, once you start to indulge in the stadium staple, you realize that it tastes like warm plastic.
Iggy: Pork Chop
Iggy reminds me of a pork chop in the best ways possible. He hasn’t had much airtime yet, much like the underrated pork chop. Although he seems to have a sweet and hearty personality, mixed in with the rest of all the other hunks, he comes off as a little bland. I’m interested to see if Iggy starts to shine a little more or if he fades even more to the back.
Eric: Tuna Fish Casserole
I had high hopes for Eric, but in last weeks episode things started to seem a little fishy. A lot of his insecurities came out when he was talking to the rest of the guys about Rachel. Why?We’re two weeks in and he’s already stressing out about how she feels about him. With that mindset, he needs to go home. Because of this, Eric is my mom’s tuna fish casserole. She insists on making it every year, but no one really eats it. Not that tuna fish casserole is bad, it’s just not the savvy roast beef that’s also available. My advice to Rachel, she has so many other great options. I would send Eric home.
Diggy: Avocado
I love Diggy! He seems like such a genuine guy. I mean, look at that smile. Diggy reminds me of an avocado. Just like the avocado, he is super trendy and looks good no matter what. Why Rach sent Diggy home and kept other guys I will never understand.
Demario: Unicorn Frappuccino
I had high hopes for DeMario going into this season. He and Rachel seemed to be hitting it off on the basketball court but things quickly took a turn for the worst. Much like the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino, DeMario looked like he had a lot of potential, but ultimately ended up to be a headache inducing sour slush, better off in the garbage.
Anthony: Broccoli
Anthony is another guy that I really like. He seems genuinely sweet. While I don’t think that he is the perfect match for Rachel, I think that any girl would be lucky to have him. Personally, he reminds me of broccoli. A nice healthy side that you know you should eat more of but don’t because it can be kinda bland.
Fred: Marshmallow
Fred seemed like a nice guy, but the fact that Rachel couldn’t get their campfire days out of her mind led to his dismissal. Fred is like a marshmallow, soft and sweet, but when you are eating them, you can’t help but feeling like you are 5 again.
Bryan: Trail Mix
I’m not a fan of Bryan, just like I’m not a fan of foods that claim to be better for you than they are. Take trail mix for example— it’s a go-to snack for long road trips, and I always seem to find some at the bottom of my purse. We keep buying it not because it necessarily tastes good, but because we think that it is a healthier option compared to a bag of chips. But the crazy sodium and sugar levels packed into this subpar snack leaves one wondering how good for you this snack truly is.
Lucas: Espresso
Whaboom is quite a character. With the energy of a 5-year-old at Disney World, Lucas is a triple shot of espresso. You know the kind that gives you jitters and might send your ticker into cardiac arrest? Just like espresso, Whaboom can be a great pick-me-up but only on occasion and in very low doses.
Dean: Cool Glass of Water
Dean is one of my favorite guys on the show, and for obvious reasons. He’s gorgeous! At 6’2 with James Dean blue eyes, he’s practically a walking, talking, mud wrestling cool glass of water. I’d love for him to quench my thirst.
While there may be a few bad apples in the bunch, Rachel seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders and knows what she wants. I can’t wait to see this weeks episode to see who stays and who gets the boot.