It can be difficult transitioning to vegetarianism. Just look at Edmund, who struggled to go without meat for 28 hours. Some people can do it easily; Elizabeth went vegetarian ten years ago and has never looked back. Being vegetarian sure isn’t easy, but it does have some perks––like annoying all your friends talking about “how amazing your meat-free diet is.” As it turns out, there’s quite a few pros and cons of being vegetarian.
Pro: Guac Isn’t Extra at Chipotle
“Just so you know, guacamole is extra.” Psh, not for me! When you get veggies as your base at Chipotle, you can get all that delicious guac for no extra cost. Who cares about choosing between chicken or beef when you can get free guacamole AND save money? Though if you’re really into saving money, you can make your own Mexican Rice Bowl at home for an even cheaper alternative.
Con: No One Wants to Share Appetizers
While you’re pushing for the veggie nachos, everyone else wants chicken fingers and chili con queso. Like, c’mon! When all your friends decide to order bacon-wrapped whatever and leave you to sip quietly on your water, it really sucks. Us veggies gotta eat too, people.
Pro: Your Body Fluids Taste Better (Especially Semen)
When it comes to semen, it’s no secret that pineapple juice will boost your cream to a new level of tasty. Plus, with less meat in your diet (and more inside of you), your liquids will excel in flavor. From my understanding, vampires love a vegetarian’s blood––all theirliquids just taste better.
Con: You Outlive All Your Carnivore Friends
On average, vegetarians live 3-4 years longer than their meat-eating counterparts. This means you’ll likely still be kicking after all your meat-eating friends kick the bucket, and won’t have anyone to hang out with—except your other vegetarian friends. Let the nursing home veggie-hijinks begin!
Pro: You Always Have a Fun Fact About Yourself
You know those icebreakers where everyone goes around saying their name and a fun fact? I panic when someone else says “I’m a vegetarian,” because there goes my fun fact––and the easy way out of having to actually say something interesting about myself. People think being vegetarian is strange and odd like a roadside attraction, and it’s awesome to cash in on that anytime you need it.
Con: People Think You’re A Snob
When I share that I’m vegetarian, I’m generally not trying to prove my moral superiority. But for some reason, people take my dietary choices as a personal offense. Listen, there’s a long list of reasons people go vegetarian––and feeling morally superior to others isn’t on it.
Pro: You Get to Act Like You’re Better Than Everyone Else
If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase “Oh, I could never be vegetarian,” I could pay off my student loans tomorrow. I’ll be honest with you––sometimes when people act like you think you’re better than them and tell you how “noble” and “difficult” vegetarianism is, well…it can get to your head. At that point, I’m happy to soak in any and all praise. Feeling morally superior isn’t the reason I’m vegetarian, but it’s a nice perk.
Con: You Can Only Suck Grass-Fed Dick
As mentioned in another article, if you want the true vegetarian experience, you have to forgo dick. Human meat is still meat…but if that meat also follows a vegetarian diet, then by all means––go ahead. The sad part is that it will limit who you can “interact” with, but it will also keep you a vegetarian in and out.
Pro: You’ll Thrive in the LGBTQ+ Community
The LGBTQ+ community actually stands for “Lettuce Gets Boys to Quiver.” All jokes aside, it’s not too far off the mark. A lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community follow a vegan or vegetarian diet of some kind. Who knew the pros and cons of being vegetarian included pride flags?
Con: Your Great-Aunt Judy Might Be Rowdy at Thanksgiving
Family members don’t take it well when you don’t want to eat the traditional recipes they worked hard to cook––even if you have a pretty solid reason. I’m sorry, Great-Aunt Judy, but turkey and stuffing just isn’t on the menu for me this year. Come back to me when you’ve cooked a Vegetarian Thanksgiving Feast, and then we’ll talk.
Pro: You Have a Rock-Solid Excuse Not to Eat the “Mystery Meat”
I’m all for getting your daily protein, but there’s some dishes that just aren’t worth it. Luckily, vegetarians never have to politely accept mystery meat and pretend to eat it. We get to avoid being anywhere near the mystery meat with no questions asked. It’s basically a superpower, tbh.
Con: People Won’t Stop Reading Menus to You
Don’t bother reading a menu around carnivores, because they’ll tell you what you can have. For some reason, going out to eat with a vegetarian puts people on high alert. They want to make sure you know what your food options are, and will read every single vegetarian item on the menu to you out loud.
Like geez, Great-Aunt Judy, I know they have a veggie burger—I can read the menu, too. I’m a vegetarian, not blind. It’s seriously the most annoying thing in the world, and you can’t say anything because they’re genuinely trying to be nice. Ugh, people being nice.
As you can see, the pros and cons of being vegetarian go far beyond a healthier diet and difficulty getting protein. By far the biggest downside is being asked the same questions over and over again, but there’s enough perks to make the veggie lifestyle #worthit. If you’re thinking about hopping on the vegetarian train, take the pros and cons of being vegetarian into consideration before you say “boy, bye” to meat.