Sex is a part of life for a lot of people. For those who like men and oral sex, semen is involved. Some swallow, some spit, some mix it up in their blenders and have a nice protein shake. Okay, maybe less of that last one, but you get the point. See, men (yes, that was intentional) have semen and to those of us on a low-calorie diet, it's important to know: how many calories are in semen?

The Variables

Depending on how much your man is squirting down there will impact the calories. Just like how many French fries you eat will impact just how many calories you have—it's the same concept.

So before continuing, ask yourself: how much does my man nut? Usually it's about a teaspoon, but if you're like Pompeii and he's the volcano, it's probably a bit more. Jizz—whoops, I meant Jeez—there's a lot more to it than you'd think.

The Numbers

I hate to break it to you all, but sperm isn't a superfood. If it was, I probably would have model status. But besides that, semen is actually rather insignificant. According to multiple sources, the average calories (taking into account both the actual semen and proteins that surround it) is a throbbing 5-25 calories.


I'm gonna drop some math on you all right now. The average calories a person consumes in a day is about 2,000. Assuming your man is squirting up a storm and is hitting the upper average of 25 calories, then you're looking at giving about 80 blowjobs to reach that 2000. Talk about lockjaw.

But it gets worse. If your man doesn't rain too much and has only 5 calories per load, you're giving 400 blowjobs to meet your daily calorie intake.

There is good news: if you're on a low-calorie diet, then I highly recommend semen. I mean hey, it's low in calories, fun to make, and the action of getting it is activity. Get in the zone with the next blowjob you give and you may be burning enough calories to have a zero-calorie snack.