Have you ever wondered what your favorite ice cream flavor says about your ability to adult? Nope? Me neither! I’m too busy trying to figure out the “real world” to do much more than stuff my face with whatever ice cream is in my freezer at the time. I don’t have time to contemplate what statement that ice cream makes; there are taxes to finish, bills to pay, and wine to drink.
But since we’re here, let’s reflect on our choices and what they reveal about us. After all, everyone knows that kids like chocolate fudge sundaes and grandmas hoard ice cream bars, so surely your favorite ice cream says something about your life. What does your favorite flavor say about your ability to be a functioning adult in society?
Phish Food
You’re 10 years old. Well, at least on the inside. You still let your parents do your laundry because the washing machine is “complicated,” and you won’t take out the trash until it’s overflowing onto the floor. Maybe you should stop reading articles telling you what ice cream flavor will predict your ability to adult, and start cleaning your room? C’mon kid, you can do better than this.
Cookie Dough
You go to the grocery store and pick up everything on your list, plus two candy bars. You have two savings accounts — one for actually saving money, and another for when it’s 2 am, your checking account is running low and you need french fries. You’ve got a great balance between adulting and having fun. Keep on being responsibly irresponsible.
Caramel Almond Brittle (Dairy-Free)
You have health-nut parents who think gluten is a government conspiracy. All that craziness has rubbed off on you, and now you go out of your way to be healthy (even though you couldn’t care less). You succeed at adulting, but only because you call your parents for help at least twice a day. Take a day to go crazy and binge on sugary, unhealthy foods. You deserve it.
Coffee, Coffee, BuzzBuzzBuzz
You’re a go-getter who works extra hours on the weekends. Every moment of your life is scheduled (including bathroom breaks). You have a plan to pay off your student loans in two years and retire in 10, and you’re already six months ahead of schedule. You’re adulting too much. Slow down! You don’t need more caffeine — you need a vacation.
Mint Chocolate Cookie
Sometimes you forget to pay a bill on time, but you know how to change a tire. You schedule your own doctor’s appointments, because you don’t think it’s fair to make your parents do it for you. You don’t shirk from your responsibilities; you face challenges with a cool and clear head. Sure, you stumble every once in a while, but it happens to the best of us.
Vanilla
With you, what you see is what you get. So if you don’t see any clutter around your bedroom, then you’ve got a clean living space, right? Wrong. You like to adult by shoving your problems in the closet and hoping they go away. And then when they don’t, you panic. Have a good cry, eat some ice cream, and then throw away all those useless Bath and Body Works coupons you’ve been hoarding.
Peanut Butter Cup
You’ve managed to move out of your parent’s house and make it on your own, but you can’t remember the last time you paid your credit card bill before an overdue notice was mailed to you. The struggle bus is real, and you’re driving it. You should probably change the lightbulb in your closet, but it’s just so much easier to eat a bag of chips and watch the Food Network.
Chocolate Fudge Brownie
Forget purchasing a ticket; you basically have a metro card for the Hot Mess Express. You like to complain about your problems, but not do anything to fix them. You keep buying paper plates so you don’t have to wash dishes, even though you know it’s killing your wallet. Seriously, stop waiting for that mole to get bigger and just go talk to a doctor.
Cinnamon Buns
Food was always your solution to help with stress, but it’s gotten ridiculous now that you’ve reached adulthood. You order take-out four times a week, and while it may be tasty in the moment, neither your waistline or your bank account are happy with you. A meal subscription service might help you ease into the ancient adult skill of homemade cooking.
Half Baked
You tell your friends you eat ice cream all the time because you’re high, but really it’s because that’s the only food you have in your fridge. You love to say you’re a “child of the 60s” and life is difficult because you were born in the wrong era. You need to get your act together. Get off the couch, realize time is passing, and stop blaming everything on millennials — you are a millennial.
Coconut Seven Layer Bar (Non-Dairy)
Face it, you’re the mom friend. When your friend goes through a break-up, you’re the first to pull out the (healthy-ish) ice cream. Michelle Obama is your icon. You invite all your friends over for weekly dinners to make sure they’re eating alright, and you have a first aid kit in every room of your apartment. Lucky for you, your excellence at adulting is contagious, and you’ve noticed a real improvement in your friends’ responsibleness. Congrats!
Pistachio Pistachio
At heart, you’re an old man. You don’t like the music too loud, and you prefer to pay all your bills through snail mail. Your perfect weekend is one where no one talks to you and you spend all day fishing. As far as adulting goes, you’ve got a handle on your finances, but you could use some help figuring out just what this “Twitter” thing is.
Urban Bourbon
You pay your bills, but forget that 401k. You can’t afford a flashy new car, so you settle for having a collection of fancy-sounding wines. You’re barely into your 20s and already in a mid-life crisis, because you’ve realized that nothing will save you from the soul-crushing weight of existence. Nihilism is your best friend, though you still paid off your student loans early.
Oat of This Swirled
You’re a fun grandma. You like to get drunk and tell your family how much you love them, but you also go to knitting club on the weekends. For the amount that you party, you’ve got your life oddly together. You know life is short, so you don’t let anything hold you back and you make sure to take your vitamins every day. You go, grandma!
Cherry Garcia
You knew how to do taxes when you were 13 years old. You’ve got the adulting game down pat — you pay your bills with direct deposit, cook your own meals, and only call your mom to ask how her week was. You’re the kind of master at adulting that everyone else wishes they were. You’re an inspiration, but also thanks but no thanks for making the rest of us look so terrible at this adult thing.
Hopefully your favorite ice cream has given you some insight into how adult you are. Did it hit a little too close to home? Was it way out of left field? Ultimately, you get to choose how responsible of an adult you are. Get out in the “real world” and hit the ground running. If you get knocked down, comfort yourself with some Ben & Jerry’s and then get back up. You can do this!