Fantasy Football was all fun and games until my friends decided the loser had to eat 100 chicken nuggets. At that point, I was 3-1 and there was no way I’d be in last, so I agreed to it. Too bad one month later I ended up in last place.
Here’s what all went down:
The Corruption
Plot twist, I wasn’t actually in last; the real loser didn’t always pick his lineup, so the league commissioner decided he didn’t count. I smell collusion. They wanted me to eat the nuggets.
All Roads Lead to Burger King
I accepted my fate of 100 nuggets as my 10 friends and I walked to Burger King. I ordered hesitantly. The cashier was confused and I explained that I was serious and had to do it. I nervously waited for my meal, while my friends (enemies) publicly humiliated me — it’s fine. My order number was called out and I did the walk of shame with my nugget tray.
The Sauce
I may or may not have had more sauce than nuggets. I figured I’d use as much sauce as I wanted since I was already stuffing my face. I had like 10 of each sauce: BBQ, honey mustard, ranch, sweet & sour and buffalo.
The Nugget Countdown
It wasn’t too bad at first, I was even double-fisting them at one point. Once I hit 25 though, I felt it. Every bite got slower and I was drowning in sauce with some ways to go. I ate 30 and felt horrible. My friends encouraged me to hit 40 “so the punishment was worth it.” The nuggets went from tasty and crispy to having no flavor at all. I got to 35 and told them I was done, but they insisted on one more. I slowly chewed the 36th nugget, swallowed only a little bit, and spit the rest out in a napkin when they weren’t looking. The truth is out — I only ate 35.2 nuggets, not 36.
The Chipotle Catering
I paced my apartment maybe 50 times to burn off some nuggets and my roommates weren’t sure if I was okay. I wasn’t. Of course, the day of the challenge my friend won Chipotle catering, so I watched all of my friends eat that. I ate one chip with guacamole because I just had to (as if I needed more sodium).
AYCD
After the Chipotle party, my friends wanted to go to The Strip for AYCD (all you can drink). Let’s just say it was a great night until the end. AYCD doesn’t mix well with 35.2 chicken nuggets.
I still gag when I hear the word “nuggets,” and the thought of this whole experience makes me want to cry. I’m probably still burning them off every time I work out and 10/10 don’t recommend eating 35.2 nuggets. I think a pizza challenge would be better, and I’m up for that next time since I’ll most likely lose again. Fantasy Football sucks and I’m still a little salty (pun intended). Maybe one day, The League will feature a nugget challenge because it’s the ultimate punishment — I can confirm.