For all of you who’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks, Lin-Manuel Miranda has recently announced the pending release of a mixtape for his hit musical Hamilton.
The mixtape, which features big-name acts such as Busta Rhymes, Wiz Khalifa, John Legend and Sia, is (allegedly) due out December 2.
The hottest musical in recent memory will surely drop the hottest mixtape of the year. And, the flames on these tracks can surely only be matched by some of the hottest foods on the planet. But just be warned, once you start reading this list, your hunger for all things spicy will “never be satisfied.”
1. Buffalo Wings
A bar food favorite, buffalo wings are first on the list. While buffalo wings are objectively spicy, the flavor can greatly vary, leaving you with a burn that can be sometimes be put out with some celery and blue cheese, and other times can leave you reaching for a glass of milk.
Every time you get a little too much heat, you swear you’re done with buffalo wings. But, just like King George III says, “you’ll be back.”
2. Sriracha
Broadway’s most hyped mixtape deserves the world’s most hyped condiment. Although sriracha has only recently become a pop-culture phenomenon, it’s actually been around since the early 1980s when inventor David Tran emigrated to the U.S. from Vietnam and started selling the spicy sauce out the back of his van.
Sriracha’s main asset (I mean, besides the taste) is its crazy versatility. People put it on everything from eggs to mac n’ cheese to just plain ol’ crackers. Even alcohol is fair game with Sriracha. You definitely won’t want to “throw away [your] (Jell-O) shot!“
3. Jerk Chicken
Although jerk chicken and jerk spices are most commonly associated with Jamaica, this food is incredibly popular throughout the Caribbean as a whole, including in the West Indies (where our main man Alexander Hamilton was born).
This food gets its signature kick from two main ingredients: allspice and Scotch bonnet peppers. This particular pepper can range between 100,000 to 350,000 Scoville Heat Units–140 times spicier than a jalapeño at its hottest.
If you’re too scared to go and buy one of these peppers, this recipe for jerk spice is a lil tamer, but no matter how you cook jerk chicken, it’ll make your diners wish that they were also “dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence.”
4. Spicy California Roll
Just as Hamilton gave U.S. history a modern twist, chili pepper and paprika add a spicy twist to this sushi house classic. These spices up the ante on the classic roll, perfectly countering the cool creaminess of the avocado and crab.
And, according to GrubHub, spicy California rolls are one of the top ten foods most ordered by college students. And, since kids are ordering this food so often, there’s a pretty high likelihood that you’ll never be more than a stone’s throw away from some of these bad boys.
This website offers 15 spots for California rolls just in New York’s Upper East Side alone. Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.
5. Habanero Peppers
It was only a matter of time before you saw these bad boys on the list. Like its cousin the Scotch Bonnet, habaneros boast up to 350,000 units on the Scoville scale. This is definitely not a pepper for spice novices.
But, if you’re a serious pepperhead, you can use these veggies in a huge variety of ways, from spice rubs, to hot sauces, even habanero jelly!
But be warned: if you develop a taste for these peppers, you’ll realize that they’re quite like the Schuyler sisters–you can’t have just one.
6. Drunken Noodles
Another takeout standard, drunken noodles are next on the list. This dish is an upgrade on the classic college ramen meal, drunken noodles are made with rice noodles and get their spicy kick from chili, unripe drupes pepper (aka black peppercorn), and holy basil.
This dish also gives a nod to two principal Hamilton characters, Founding Fathers Washington and Jefferson. Back in their day, the former presidents owned distilleries, albeit with varying levels of success.
7. Dijon Mustard
I know, I know, when you think of spicy, dijon mustard doesn’t exactly jump out at you, but don’t be fooled. This sandwich spread has a lot more bite than other condiments due to the whole brown mustard seeds.
If you’re wondering what kind of dijon is best, check out this ranking by Serious Eats. Once you make a decision based off this list, you can eat serve your meals with a condiment reminiscent of “America’s favorite fighting Frenchman.”
8. Green Curry
A common feature in many Thai dishes, green curry is a lot spicier than its red counterpart. The green in the curry comes from green chilies the dish is made with. In addition to being served in its traditional fashion with rice, as pictured above, you can use Thai curry paste in everything from seafood to salad dressings.
However don’t be fooled–the traditional name for this food translates to “sweet green curry,” but if you’re looking for a sweet, mild dish, “say no to this.”
9. Vindaloo
A dish not for the faint of heart, vindaloo is a curry that can only be described as “tongue-searing.” Filled with tons of peppercorns, and often topped with fresh chilies, vindaloo is crazy-level spicy.
But, on the bright side, many have described this dish as savory-sweet, so you can take heart in the fact that if you try this dish, it won’t be just a one-note meal. If you’re brave enough to take the plunge, try this restaurant in Weehawken, New Jersey–the location of the ill-fated duel between Hamilton and Burr.
10. Sofritas
As if you needed another reason to go to Chipotle, am I right? According to the restaurant chain’s founder, Chipotle’s vegetarian offering is made with roasted poblanos, chipotle chilis, and Mexican spices giving it its signature spicy kick.
Even if tofu isn’t your jam, you can still enjoy this meal. Just make sure you don’t mix it with the restaurant’s hot salsa, or else you’ll really be “helpless.”
11. Ghost Pepper
You didn’t think I’d let habaneros be the hottest peppers on this list, did you? The Bhut jolokia pepper, more commonly known as the ghost pepper, clocks in anywhere between 850,000 and 1,000,000 Scoville units. That’s four to eight times hotter than a habanero pepper.
Chilies are full of the neurotoxin capsacin, and ingesting too much of the stuff can cause seizures and heart problems. And, according to a 1980 research study, eating three pounds of chili powder from a pepper like the Bhut jolokia could kill a 150 pound person.
I’m not sure anyone has to worry about that though, anyone with a mind at work would know better than to eat three pounds of these peppers…At least I would hope so. That’d be a burn worse than Eliza could ever inflict on her estranged husband.
So, the Hamilton mixtape might not be out for another month, but if you need something to keep your mind occupied until then, try any of the foods on this list. You’ll be so focused on the burn, that your world will never be the same.