Let’s be honest here. While many of us laugh off astrology as a collection of incredibly relatable statements that fools point at and say “wow, that’s SO ME,” we’ve all had those moments where something in our Cosmo horoscope just eerily describes us. Sometimes, its just fun (and convenient) to imagine that all the things that happen to us, both good and bad, are written out in the stars and therefore completely out of our control.
So how does this relate to food? Each on campus eatery at Duke has its own unique vibe, from bougie and expensive to fast and reliable. Who’s to say certain zodiac signs aren’t more ~compatible~ with certain restaurants over others? Consult your horoscope and prepare to enjoy the meal that you were destined to eat today.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Pitchforks
Like Duke Dining as a whole, Aries always has to be the best. Aries always has to be first. Aries always has to be “ranked as number 1 in the nation by the Daily Meal.” Because of this, there is no better fit for this zodiac sign’s bold personality and tendency towards being impatient than Pitchforks. Open 24 hours, Pitchforks is always one of the fastest, busiest and most popular eateries on campus. Whether it is dinner time and there’s a line out the door for their infamous grilled cheese, or its 2 am and its packed with the post-Saturday-night-Shooters crowd, stumbling up to get their Haystacks and tots, Pitchforks is the perfect restaurant for the social Aries.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The WaDuke
Taurus lives for the finer things in life, from the clothes they wear to the food that they eat. For this zodiac sign, even eating at the Commons is just, well, common. They need a restaurant that appeals to their eye for beauty and their tastes for expensive food. Unimpressed by the ever-changing glitz of the Broadhead Center, Taurus belongs in the longstanding tradition of fantastic service at the Washington Duke.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): West Union??? Broadhead Center??? BC 2.0???
If Taurus craves tradition, Gemini needs an eatery as indecisive and in flux as itself. Constantly renaming, rebuilding and shaking up its vendors, the ideal restaurant for this zodiac sign is the West Union…excuse me the Broadhead Center…or is it the new BC, now? With plenty of options for them to choose from, Gemini never has to worry about being trapped in the routine of eating the same boring salad and piece of grilled chicken every. single. day. Not to mention, located in the hub of West Campus, WU/BC creates the perfect environment to keep the highly social Gemini entertained for hours after they finish their meal.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Red Mango
Cancer is generally seen as one of the sweetest of the zodiac signs, but also has a moodier, more manipulative side, not unlike the Red Mango. With its humble, closet-sized location in the Bryan Center, Red Mango used to be the favored spot for a quick frozen-yogurt or smoothie. After two years of neglect that followed the introduction of a gelato bar in West Union, Red Mango displayed a selfish streak, kicking Quenchers off campus and coming one step closer to reclaiming its title as the most loved smoothie place on campus. Despite this, you can’t deny that Red Mango has always been there for you after every bombed Econ 101 midterm, just like sympathetic Cancer.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Thrive
Social, vibrant Leo is the king/queen of their Greek Life Squad on Central Campus. After a long day of cracking the whip in their public policy classes, all Leo wants is a place to kick back and enjoy some avocado toast with their squad. When it comes to Thrive, what Leo wants, Leo gets. With a menu reminiscent of everyone’s beloved Happy and Hale, Central’s only eatery is the ideal restaurant to satisfy Leo’s appetite for delicious food and also for social interaction.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Vondy
Hardworking and practical, Virgo needs a campus eatery that will get the job done and get it done quickly so they can return to their fourth floor Perkins cubicle and continue grinding out that research paper that isn’t due for another month. With pre-made salads, sandwiches, healthy snacks and, of course, coffee, Vondy has everything needed to keep diligent Virgo fueled without the unnecessary excesses of other campus eateries.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Nasher Cafe
Like Taurus, social Libra always seeks out things that are beautiful and expensive. However, this sign’s creative personalit and appreciation for art make them a perfect fit for the Nasher Cafe. With brunch dishes that are as aesthetically pleasing as the art galleries, the Nasher is the ideal eatery to be featured on social butterfly Libra’s highly popular Instagram story.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): The Loop
Poorly lit and completely encased in concrete, The Loop has the ideal atmosphere for the mysterious and often secretive Scorpio. Anyone who knows a Scorpio understands that they have this allure to them that you can’t quite put a finger on. Not to mention, with their occasional jealous streak, Scorpio would sympathize with the poor, forgotten Loop, the former star of Duke Dining that has now been demoted to “that place everyone eats when Krafthouse is full.”
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Marketplace
Sagittarius possesses all the curiosity and enthusiasm of a Duke first year. Fresh out of O-Week, this zodiac sign is ready to tackle all the challenges of their International Comparative Studies course load and do it with a smile. Known for their unwavering optimism and excitement to try new things, Sagittarius fits right in with the crowds at Marketplace. With a penchant for travel, Sagittarius will certainly be the first in line for the end of the year exotic cruise themed dinner.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Twinnies
Always on the go with their 5 courses and 4 executive board positions scheduled down to the second, efficient and hardworking Capricorn never has time to waste. Located between their home, CIEMAS and their second home, Perkins, Twinnies is the perfect spot for this zodiac sign. They can grab their triple shot espresso and their sandwich here, they can work on their problem sets between classes here, and they can hold all the phone interviews and club meetings they want to here. Only 19 minutes blocked out for lunch? Don’t worry, Capricorn, Twinnies has all your needs covered.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Law School Cafe
Aquarius likes to fill their days with intellectual pursuits, and meal times are no exception. With the topics of conversation in the undergraduate dining hall tending to be too banal for their tastes, independent Aquarius would find eating at the Law School Cafe well worth the trek past Penn Pavilion. Why waste lunchtime piecing together the details of their friend’s latest blackout when they could be arguing humanitarian concerns with the Duke Law students?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Div. School Cafe
Pisces, the most compassionate and gentle of the zodiac signs, deserves nothing more than the homey grilled cheese and tomato soup of the Div. School Cafe. With its cozy, calm ambiance, Div. is the ideal location for Pisces to relax, enjoy some comfort food and listen to their music alone after a long morning of solving all their needy roommate’s problems.
If the stars can somehow dictate our personalities, our love lives and even how much success we’ll have in our job, who’s to say they can’t tell us what places we’d enjoy eating at as well? Follow your destiny to the on-campus eatery that’s perfect for your zodiac sign. Who knows, you might even meet the person with your sign’s greatest overall compatibility there. Fate works in mysterious ways.